~You will be rewarded with a Great Honour~

Today, I am going to be graduating with a FIRST CLASS HONOURS!!! I still cannot believe it that I got a First Class grade.When I first saw it, I couldn’t quite process it that I got a 69.83% (which just barely made the first class grade) and the words next to it had First Class Honours. I just kept staring at it and shaking my head and I was really speechless. I never thought I would see those words on the screen. I was very certain that I would get a 2:1 because I calculated it over and over again (hoping it would be a 1st class) but finally accepting that I shouldn’t have even thought about getting a high grade and I am just happy with a 2.1. I already told a lot of my family members that I will get a B and soon I was confident that I would get a 2.1 (which secretly made me feel disappointed) but I moved on and just accepted it.

But those words on the screen when I saw it really brought tears to my eyes. The three years have been a huge adventure and like I said before, it wasn’t the easiest or the most fun thing you could do in your life (at least for me lol)  but I took it as a chance to prove myself that I can do it and grow. I didn’t really get high grades so I wasn’t looking for the top grade at all and most of the lecturers/ tutors warned us that not a lot of people will get firsts, so I didn’t have high hopes for myself. I cruised through the first year and in the second year and cruised even further in my third year, hoping for at least a 2.1. As a person who also missed out on things, I like to keep to myself and just jump hoping to land safely at least a metre from the edge and I treated university the same way. I did my best and if it wasn’t enough then I had to accept it and move on. I never shared my grades with anyone (unless they ask) but it always plays over and over again in my mind that I will never get a top grade and that always stayed with me until the results day. I still cannot believe I got a First Class Honour!

Getting this grade means so much to me for several reasons. Firstly, as I mentioned above, I am not the person who was highly praised for being academically smart and most of my grades especially A-Levels was so crap. I even had my doubts if I will even make it into university. But now, I have officially finished on a high note and I couldn’t have been more proud of myself. After all the stress, crying, headaches and sleepless nights, I can now breathe a sigh of relief that I am officially finished with all the essays and I am officially finishing with a First Class Honours. All those times, I stood people up and told them I was too busy to meet them (cause I was doing some last minute essays lol), the times I shut myself in my room and forced Vanessa to stay with me during some of my all-nighters so I would have some company, the times she was annoying and told me ‘It will be fine, Trisha’ and ‘You need to calm down!’ (which followed with a pillow to her face and on one occasion I dug my nails into her arms- I said I was sorry and you can barely see the scarring hahaha) and the times I handed every essay in thinking that it is the best I could and it is up to God what grade I get. I am one of those people who doubted herself constantly and worried so much about the future but always kept it to myself cause I don’t want to bother people. People would tell me it would be fine and I will nod my head (even if deep down I doubt it will be lol) and just get on with things. I never thought of the possibility of getting a first in anything and even though I would get excited when I got a first in some of my essays, I tell myself that I need to tone down the excitement so I won’t be disappointed. But damn, I did it and got an unexpected First Class Honours.

Another reason this means so much to me is that getting a high grade means I have ticked off one of the things on my bucket list, which is graduating from university and graduating with the highest grade possible. I know that going to university is a privilege as my parents always tell us, education is something people cannot take away from you and something you can never lose. So many people dream of going to university and they cannot afford to, so I feel so blessed that I stuck with it and finished university. I know this also means so much to my family that I am going to be graduating and there are not enough words I can write and say to thank them enough for quietly supporting me.

To my parents, thank you for always pushing me to be the best I could be and showering me with all the things I want and need. My parents work so hard every day to earn money to pay for all the necessities in life and they never wanted anything back except the promise from us to work hard and be a good person. Nothing can ever repay the unconditional love my parents have given me all my life but I hope now that I am going to be graduating, I can share with them the pride of this great accomplishment and a toast to the start of a fruitful future that they have always believed I would have.

To my sisters, firstly to Vanessa, you have always been annoying and we have had a lot of fights and I am sure there are still more to come. You have always made fun of me (mostly about my ex-boyfriends) but you have also brought some fun into my life by being my volunteer PA by bringing all my stuff for me up and down the stairs. Even if I injured you in the process or told you to be quiet, I always appreciated your encouraging words and your willingness to help me realise that I can do it! To Beatrice, thank you for helping me make peace with my inner child. With all the stress, I was always so serious about getting things done to prove that I have become an adult but with all the times spent with you, you have helped me take a break from being all grown up and watch cartoons and play childish games I have missed so much (plus it gave me a reason not to do my essays).

To all my aunts, uncles and cousins, you have always been there with supportive advice and compliments and even if we do not get to see or speak to each other as much as we would like, I know you are cheering me on with great enthusiasm. To all my Lolas, you have taken care of me since I was little and watched me grow into the person I am now. You have passed on your wisdom to my parents and they have passed it on to me and that has helped shaped my values on life and the power of prayer. I know we don’t go to church as much as we should but I also know that all of you always pray for me, for my health, my happiness and for my studies. I am so glad that both of our prayers have been answered and I am graduating with the highest honours. I will send some pictures over so I can share the blessings that God has given me. To my late Lolo Al and Lolo Ramon, I am so sad that you can’t see me graduate but I hope you are looking down on me and are very proud.

To all the few friends that stuck with me since childhood and until now, thank you so much for making me realise the power of friendship and I appreciate all the support you have given me (even though I didn’t get to meet up or hang out as much as you would have liked me to come and meet up). I will try and make an effort to come hang out more hahaha. To all the friends I met at university, you have been amazing and I am sure our paths will cross again and you will go on to greater things. To all the lecturers that taught me, you have opened my eyes and ears about social issues from theories that seemed like from many years ago (that I would have normally not even realised existed or wanted to read) but those lessons will stay with me in my mind and has not only made me more wiser but full of curiosity to discover more. 

After today I would be officially ending my university life with the highest grade and closing a huge chapter of my life. I cannot wait to see what the future has install for me. Let us toast to more undiscovered adventures that is now waiting to be discovered. 

Peace and Love, 

Trisha xo

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Being a Grown-up

Sorry I haven’t posted for ages since I have been swamped with events and work and life in general. I will keep this short since I want to plan ahead some ideas of what to write about. I have been busying working at my new workplace which I have been enjoying so far. I am looking for another work since it is just a part-time job but I will see how this one goes in the meantime. I have my graduation coming up and so I have been getting ready for that (I still have a few things still missing but apart from that I think I’m ready). My mom recently had her birthday and we had a lovely time spending some quality family time. I wanted to post on here but she wanted to keep it hush-hush lol. I am enjoying being single and focusing on me for a little while. Everyone is doing good and I am slowly figuring out this being a grown-up thing. 

Anyways, I promise I will make a much better effort on posting on this blog and writing more about my life and every undiscovered adventure I will be going to and hopefully discovering. 

Peace and Love xo

Trisha 

End of Conversation- I Forgot

You pretend that everything is okay
So they don’t have to leave or go away
If they asked you: “What do you regret?”
You’d tell them of the memories that you’d never forget
Like that sweet kiss in the rain
Your broken heart and the severe pain
The time you texted but they never replied
The times you locked the door and cried
You thought it would somehow just disappear and fade
Hoping it will erase the memories that are already made
Sometimes you try to rid of it all, then you see his face
You remember his kiss, his smile and that warm embrace
The days he didn’t want to let you go
You were going too fast but time is so slow
The rush and risks faded away
One day, will someone ever stay?
Days when you were sad and they were right there
Times when they ask you if you’re okay, like they care
But then the day came when memories started to fade
When suddenly something decided to be made
Both of them decided to come and state their love is true
You thought about it but do you really love them too?
You have to be polite, say “No”, just agree to be friends with them
To be their secret jewel and the precious one-of-a-kind gem
You took the risks that could get you in trouble
You took the blames, bruises, wounds and stumbles
You did everything because you wanted them in your life
But now you have to choose before the drop of a knife
Up until this day you still cannot decide
You can’t run and you could never hide
They are so far away that you have to travel
Crossing roads, building walls and kicking gravel
Are you willing to be hurt like before?
Can friends now be later something more?
If they saw you standing across the street
Would they avoid you or invite you to meet?
Are they feeling what is true or is it just pretend?
Do they want something more than just being friends?
Right now you do not know how to feel
These feelings you are trying to conceal
But one day you might find out who is true and who is not
End of conversation: “What were we talking about cause I forgot”

Sultry Dream

Sitting on the bench, smiling and laughing
So good, thrilling, sexy and so shocking
You are so crazy, always an adventure
Your one torture is my guilty pleasure
Sitting there, hot sizzling, gonna catch on fire
You are too good, baby, my one and only desire
Licking your lips with your tongue, it turns me on so much
My heart skips a beat every time at your sudden touch
You lean in and kiss my cheek leading to my mouth
You went not north, west, east but south
Down to my neck, you continued to bite and suck
Slow down please… careful now… F***!
Up to my ear, you nibble, making me wet
Been doing it ever since we first met
In under a millisecond, you reach my breast
My hand sliding down from your face to your chest
Don’t stop, you are too good, forgive me if I scream
I opened my eyes to find out that it was all a dream
I’m gonna confess you are better than my ex
How about you and I re-enact our Dream-Sex?

What happens now?

I’m not pretty, I’m not perfect, I’m nothing to anyone
They always go away, always disappearing, gone
They never even stay for too long
Never a year, never forever, it has gone wrong
First, they win me with words and sorts and stuff
Filling me with sweet things and playful fluff
Then, without realising, slowly I break into million ones
They pretend they betray, they hate and they pounce
No more love, no more peace, just hatred and guilt
The scales start to become unbalanced, it starts to tilt
It moves towards you, so you are the one who wins
Hurting me all the time at the drop of a pin
And when I’m broken, you make me miss your absence
You force me to sit and listen to the silence
To emphasise just how badly I’ll need you
And the fact that you won’t miss me too
Leaving me, Leaving me, Leaving me to cry
Leaving me and walking away, leaving me wonder why?

Boys of the Past

I liked so many boys, I have lost count
Boys just kept on appearing, they are starting to mount
First, the boy who thought he was cool
But he turned out to be a stupid fool
Then there was the boy I fell in love with
Once I thought I needed him to live
He had brown eyes and loved me like no other
But he also hated my father, sister and mother
He turned ugly and he broke my heart
So we separated and fell apart
Then I liked a boy who loves to play
His guitar and just rock away
Followed by the boy who loves to give me a hug
He kept me warm and oh so snug
Then came the boy who called me ‘amigo’
He only liked me cause I gave him mentos
Then there was the boy who walked 15 miles
He was filled with lots of laughs and smiles
Then the boy who I sat next to in the most boring lesson
I never knew I liked him for any special reason
He just made me laugh and was genuinely funny
He was an over the top and very tall bunny
But none of them really worked out
Sometimes I wonder what it’s all about
I hope one day I find Mr Right
Who will let me dream well every night
When I find him, these boys will see
They are all losers cause they all lost me
They let go and moved on, they will never last
Because they are just the Boys of the Past!

The Way I Saw You

Your eyes so brown they turned to gold
To you which my heart I sold
Kept it with you and marked it deep
Day and night, awake and asleep
You treasured it forever and held it tight
From a time of darkness, you are my light
Told me you love me and from then we’ll never stop
Touched my hand and caressed it, you won’t let me drop
We can’t stop now when it’s already started
You held me and promised to never let go, we never parted
You made a promise, a dream, a deal
You were to keep it for you kissed me to seal
That promise, that dream, that deal
By keeping it, you are all I feel
Your touch so gentle and kind
You read my heart and soothed my mind
You stay by my side and just hold my hand
Slip right through my fingers like golden sands
Your promise will remain no matter what
We see a happy ending and that is that