Sultry Dream

Sitting on the bench, smiling and laughing
So good, thrilling, sexy and so shocking
You are so crazy, always an adventure
Your one torture is my guilty pleasure
Sitting there, hot sizzling, gonna catch on fire
You are too good, baby, my one and only desire
Licking your lips with your tongue, it turns me on so much
My heart skips a beat every time at your sudden touch
You lean in and kiss my cheek leading to my mouth
You went not north, west, east but south
Down to my neck, you continued to bite and suck
Slow down please… careful now… F***!
Up to my ear, you nibble, making me wet
Been doing it ever since we first met
In under a millisecond, you reach my breast
My hand sliding down from your face to your chest
Don’t stop, you are too good, forgive me if I scream
I opened my eyes to find out that it was all a dream
I’m gonna confess you are better than my ex
How about you and I re-enact our Dream-Sex?

What happens now?

I’m not pretty, I’m not perfect, I’m nothing to anyone
They always go away, always disappearing, gone
They never even stay for too long
Never a year, never forever, it has gone wrong
First, they win me with words and sorts and stuff
Filling me with sweet things and playful fluff
Then, without realising, slowly I break into million ones
They pretend they betray, they hate and they pounce
No more love, no more peace, just hatred and guilt
The scales start to become unbalanced, it starts to tilt
It moves towards you, so you are the one who wins
Hurting me all the time at the drop of a pin
And when I’m broken, you make me miss your absence
You force me to sit and listen to the silence
To emphasise just how badly I’ll need you
And the fact that you won’t miss me too
Leaving me, Leaving me, Leaving me to cry
Leaving me and walking away, leaving me wonder why?

Boys of the Past

I liked so many boys, I have lost count
Boys just kept on appearing, they are starting to mount
First, the boy who thought he was cool
But he turned out to be a stupid fool
Then there was the boy I fell in love with
Once I thought I needed him to live
He had brown eyes and loved me like no other
But he also hated my father, sister and mother
He turned ugly and he broke my heart
So we separated and fell apart
Then I liked a boy who loves to play
His guitar and just rock away
Followed by the boy who loves to give me a hug
He kept me warm and oh so snug
Then came the boy who called me ‘amigo’
He only liked me cause I gave him mentos
Then there was the boy who walked 15 miles
He was filled with lots of laughs and smiles
Then the boy who I sat next to in the most boring lesson
I never knew I liked him for any special reason
He just made me laugh and was genuinely funny
He was an over the top and very tall bunny
But none of them really worked out
Sometimes I wonder what it’s all about
I hope one day I find Mr Right
Who will let me dream well every night
When I find him, these boys will see
They are all losers cause they all lost me
They let go and moved on, they will never last
Because they are just the Boys of the Past!

The Way I Saw You

Your eyes so brown they turned to gold
To you which my heart I sold
Kept it with you and marked it deep
Day and night, awake and asleep
You treasured it forever and held it tight
From a time of darkness, you are my light
Told me you love me and from then we’ll never stop
Touched my hand and caressed it, you won’t let me drop
We can’t stop now when it’s already started
You held me and promised to never let go, we never parted
You made a promise, a dream, a deal
You were to keep it for you kissed me to seal
That promise, that dream, that deal
By keeping it, you are all I feel
Your touch so gentle and kind
You read my heart and soothed my mind
You stay by my side and just hold my hand
Slip right through my fingers like golden sands
Your promise will remain no matter what
We see a happy ending and that is that 

Run, Run, Run…

As you guys know I have finished all of my university essays and I am on a mission in finding the next adventure: a job. So far, the mission hasn’t been as successful or as quick as I would like it to be but I know that this takes time and I need to consider the different options that are available. 

Another mission I have right now is trying to lose some weight. I have been stuck at 56 kilograms since I was 16 and because of everything happening, I haven’t had the chance to lose the weight. I know I didn’t have much of an excuse before and without university, I haven’t got any excuse now not to exercise. My goal weight would be 52 kilos or even less at around 45 kilos. This mission of losing weight will benefit me in so many ways. Firstly, it will really help with my self-esteem and how I see myself right now. The areas I want to improve are my stomach, my arms and my thighs. By improving those areas, I think I will like my body more because I will be able to feel lighter. I have always internally felt unhealthy but I always made up an excuse not to do anything about it. But now I have the chance to improve myself on the outside and on the inside too. 

Secondly, by losing some weight I can prove to myself that I can do it if I put my mind to it. I have always dismissed the fact that by running for 15 minutes a day I can lose some weight even if it’s only a couple of grams. I always make excuses or if I do exercise, it will only be for a day or two then I’ll give up. Also, the fear of having an asthma attack has gotten in my head to the point that I will stop exercising as soon as I get out of breath. I have been told not to push myself too hard as I could have an asthma attack if I do. 

However, since I have been going on the treadmill, I have been able to train myself to run for at least 2 minutes and rest for 5 minutes which will allow my heart to show down back to normal before I repeat the process again. I haven’t had to use my inhaler so far so that’s a good sign. I have also made a rule that after every meal and after exercising, I will need to drink 2 big glasses of water. I haven’t been drinking much water before even at school but it has really made a difference to how I’ve been feeling and making sure I’m getting all the waste out of my system and staying hydrated. 

I have also recently started on my arms today so I can try and lose some flab in all the areas I want to improve on. The exercise experience has been going well so far and even when I reach my goal weight I will make sure I maintain my weight and improve my eating habits (which I still have trouble doing lol).  I will keep you posted on how I am progressing and if I am able to lose the weight and get down to my goal. I will give an update in two months. Just gotta keep running! 

Sorry

I’m no angel, I make mistakes
But just slow down and hit the brakes
I accidentally did you wrong
You make me cry but I tried to be strong
The feelings inside me has to come out
Before more secrets start to sprout
Please just listen, okay…here we go
Let’s just take it nice and slow
When it ended, it was over sooner than I thought
By the way, thanks for the happiness you brought
Then I went up to you and did what I thought was right
But we didn’t see eye-to-eye, someone just turned off the light
So let me tell you why I did the thing that split our world into two
I want you to know I did not want to run or hide from you
Hear me out,  I gave it back for a reason
So please, don’t punish me with treason
I wanted to be the girl of your dreams
Unfortunately, I’m not as it seems
I gave it back because you need to find the girl you desire
Your whole wide world and your greatest admirer
So now you know, I hope you can forgive
Please, just listen and believe
I want you to know I’m not your dream come true
And I know deep down, I had no chance of loving you.

The Three Years Ends

After three years of stress and a lot of headaches, my time at university is done. I do not have to do any more lectures. No more participating or not participating in seminars. No more early, afternoon or really dark rides on the bus. No more pressing the button for the automatic doors so I can go in or out of uni. No more tapping in at every lesson. No more getting bombarded by people wanting me to do surveys or giving out leaflets that I will throw in the bin anyway. No more university.

I finished my last day yesterday with a quick review session for one of my modules. It only lasted 30 minutes which seemed pointless but at least I could stretch my legs a bit and walk around university for the last time. I’m going, to be honest there really isn’t much to miss at university. I know that for some people university is the time to go down pubs or go clubbing to socialize. University is the place where you will find out who you are and what you want in life. By going to university, you will become more independent because you are away from your parents. University will be that place you will miss when it all ends. But all those things were never true for me. I prefer to stay at home watching cartoons and binge-watch my shows than going drinking out and living the club life. I lived with my parents for the three years whilst I was university and as far as I can tell it made me independent in ways I didn’t think it could. I did house chores (except cooking but I promise I’ll learn after my essays, Mum and Dad) and my parents also let me budget my student finances and I was even able to help a bit with a few things needed for the house. Staying at home also made me value family more which I did not value as much when I was still a teenager. I know a lot of people were telling me that I shouldn’t stay at home because it will ruin my time at university but if I did,  I believe I would have regretted it, especially with my little sister. Looking after her has been the best time to come out of the university experience and the reason I loved coming back home to my family. My family has been a big support system for me and even though we have fought and shouted at each other several times these three years, we have also made more funny and loving memories that I will cherish forever.

My experience at university was pretty good but I don’t think I will miss it as much as others make it out to be. I will probably miss the friends I’ve made and the some of the teachers which have impacted my life in terms of improving me as a person or helping me gain skills which I can use more in life but the experience…not so much. It was filled with stress, I cried a lot, threw a few things, dug my nails into stuff, swore and raised my middle finger at those elements that tried to rain on my semi-constructed parade. I didn’t really join any societies or made an impact there but I was able to do the one thing which I came to do when I told myself that university is the way. I was able to stick it through to the end and make my family and friends proud that soon I will be done with all the essays (just one more to do) and the three years of university will officially come to an end.

As for university helping me find who I am and what I want to do in life… I’ll keep you posted on that one when I know for sure. Now it’s time to finish the last ever university essay and once that’s all submitted I need to go searching for the next adventure to explore. So for now, thank you university friends and (some) teachers, it’s been fun knowing you and make sure you keep in touch.

See you at Graduation. 🎓