End of Conversation- I Forgot

You pretend that everything is okay
So they don’t have to leave or go away
If they asked you: “What do you regret?”
You’d tell them of the memories that you’d never forget
Like that sweet kiss in the rain
Your broken heart and the severe pain
The time you texted but they never replied
The times you locked the door and cried
You thought it would somehow just disappear and fade
Hoping it will erase the memories that are already made
Sometimes you try to rid of it all, then you see his face
You remember his kiss, his smile and that warm embrace
The days he didn’t want to let you go
You were going too fast but time is so slow
The rush and risks faded away
One day, will someone ever stay?
Days when you were sad and they were right there
Times when they ask you if you’re okay, like they care
But then the day came when memories started to fade
When suddenly something decided to be made
Both of them decided to come and state their love is true
You thought about it but do you really love them too?
You have to be polite, say “No”, just agree to be friends with them
To be their secret jewel and the precious one-of-a-kind gem
You took the risks that could get you in trouble
You took the blames, bruises, wounds and stumbles
You did everything because you wanted them in your life
But now you have to choose before the drop of a knife
Up until this day you still cannot decide
You can’t run and you could never hide
They are so far away that you have to travel
Crossing roads, building walls and kicking gravel
Are you willing to be hurt like before?
Can friends now be later something more?
If they saw you standing across the street
Would they avoid you or invite you to meet?
Are they feeling what is true or is it just pretend?
Do they want something more than just being friends?
Right now you do not know how to feel
These feelings you are trying to conceal
But one day you might find out who is true and who is not
End of conversation: “What were we talking about cause I forgot”

Sultry Dream

Sitting on the bench, smiling and laughing
So good, thrilling, sexy and so shocking
You are so crazy, always an adventure
Your one torture is my guilty pleasure
Sitting there, hot sizzling, gonna catch on fire
You are too good, baby, my one and only desire
Licking your lips with your tongue, it turns me on so much
My heart skips a beat every time at your sudden touch
You lean in and kiss my cheek leading to my mouth
You went not north, west, east but south
Down to my neck, you continued to bite and suck
Slow down please… careful now… F***!
Up to my ear, you nibble, making me wet
Been doing it ever since we first met
In under a millisecond, you reach my breast
My hand sliding down from your face to your chest
Don’t stop, you are too good, forgive me if I scream
I opened my eyes to find out that it was all a dream
I’m gonna confess you are better than my ex
How about you and I re-enact our Dream-Sex?

What happens now?

I’m not pretty, I’m not perfect, I’m nothing to anyone
They always go away, always disappearing, gone
They never even stay for too long
Never a year, never forever, it has gone wrong
First, they win me with words and sorts and stuff
Filling me with sweet things and playful fluff
Then, without realising, slowly I break into million ones
They pretend they betray, they hate and they pounce
No more love, no more peace, just hatred and guilt
The scales start to become unbalanced, it starts to tilt
It moves towards you, so you are the one who wins
Hurting me all the time at the drop of a pin
And when I’m broken, you make me miss your absence
You force me to sit and listen to the silence
To emphasise just how badly I’ll need you
And the fact that you won’t miss me too
Leaving me, Leaving me, Leaving me to cry
Leaving me and walking away, leaving me wonder why?

Boys of the Past

I liked so many boys, I have lost count
Boys just kept on appearing, they are starting to mount
First, the boy who thought he was cool
But he turned out to be a stupid fool
Then there was the boy I fell in love with
Once I thought I needed him to live
He had brown eyes and loved me like no other
But he also hated my father, sister and mother
He turned ugly and he broke my heart
So we separated and fell apart
Then I liked a boy who loves to play
His guitar and just rock away
Followed by the boy who loves to give me a hug
He kept me warm and oh so snug
Then came the boy who called me ‘amigo’
He only liked me cause I gave him mentos
Then there was the boy who walked 15 miles
He was filled with lots of laughs and smiles
Then the boy who I sat next to in the most boring lesson
I never knew I liked him for any special reason
He just made me laugh and was genuinely funny
He was an over the top and very tall bunny
But none of them really worked out
Sometimes I wonder what it’s all about
I hope one day I find Mr Right
Who will let me dream well every night
When I find him, these boys will see
They are all losers cause they all lost me
They let go and moved on, they will never last
Because they are just the Boys of the Past!

The Way I Saw You

Your eyes so brown they turned to gold
To you which my heart I sold
Kept it with you and marked it deep
Day and night, awake and asleep
You treasured it forever and held it tight
From a time of darkness, you are my light
Told me you love me and from then we’ll never stop
Touched my hand and caressed it, you won’t let me drop
We can’t stop now when it’s already started
You held me and promised to never let go, we never parted
You made a promise, a dream, a deal
You were to keep it for you kissed me to seal
That promise, that dream, that deal
By keeping it, you are all I feel
Your touch so gentle and kind
You read my heart and soothed my mind
You stay by my side and just hold my hand
Slip right through my fingers like golden sands
Your promise will remain no matter what
We see a happy ending and that is that 

Run, Run, Run…

As you guys know I have finished all of my university essays and I am on a mission in finding the next adventure: a job. So far, the mission hasn’t been as successful or as quick as I would like it to be but I know that this takes time and I need to consider the different options that are available. 

Another mission I have right now is trying to lose some weight. I have been stuck at 56 kilograms since I was 16 and because of everything happening, I haven’t had the chance to lose the weight. I know I didn’t have much of an excuse before and without university, I haven’t got any excuse now not to exercise. My goal weight would be 52 kilos or even less at around 45 kilos. This mission of losing weight will benefit me in so many ways. Firstly, it will really help with my self-esteem and how I see myself right now. The areas I want to improve are my stomach, my arms and my thighs. By improving those areas, I think I will like my body more because I will be able to feel lighter. I have always internally felt unhealthy but I always made up an excuse not to do anything about it. But now I have the chance to improve myself on the outside and on the inside too. 

Secondly, by losing some weight I can prove to myself that I can do it if I put my mind to it. I have always dismissed the fact that by running for 15 minutes a day I can lose some weight even if it’s only a couple of grams. I always make excuses or if I do exercise, it will only be for a day or two then I’ll give up. Also, the fear of having an asthma attack has gotten in my head to the point that I will stop exercising as soon as I get out of breath. I have been told not to push myself too hard as I could have an asthma attack if I do. 

However, since I have been going on the treadmill, I have been able to train myself to run for at least 2 minutes and rest for 5 minutes which will allow my heart to show down back to normal before I repeat the process again. I haven’t had to use my inhaler so far so that’s a good sign. I have also made a rule that after every meal and after exercising, I will need to drink 2 big glasses of water. I haven’t been drinking much water before even at school but it has really made a difference to how I’ve been feeling and making sure I’m getting all the waste out of my system and staying hydrated. 

I have also recently started on my arms today so I can try and lose some flab in all the areas I want to improve on. The exercise experience has been going well so far and even when I reach my goal weight I will make sure I maintain my weight and improve my eating habits (which I still have trouble doing lol).  I will keep you posted on how I am progressing and if I am able to lose the weight and get down to my goal. I will give an update in two months. Just gotta keep running! 

Sorry

I’m no angel, I make mistakes
But just slow down and hit the brakes
I accidentally did you wrong
You make me cry but I tried to be strong
The feelings inside me has to come out
Before more secrets start to sprout
Please just listen, okay…here we go
Let’s just take it nice and slow
When it ended, it was over sooner than I thought
By the way, thanks for the happiness you brought
Then I went up to you and did what I thought was right
But we didn’t see eye-to-eye, someone just turned off the light
So let me tell you why I did the thing that split our world into two
I want you to know I did not want to run or hide from you
Hear me out,  I gave it back for a reason
So please, don’t punish me with treason
I wanted to be the girl of your dreams
Unfortunately, I’m not as it seems
I gave it back because you need to find the girl you desire
Your whole wide world and your greatest admirer
So now you know, I hope you can forgive
Please, just listen and believe
I want you to know I’m not your dream come true
And I know deep down, I had no chance of loving you.