~You will be rewarded with a Great Honour~

Today, I am going to be graduating with a FIRST CLASS HONOURS!!! I still cannot believe it that I got a First Class grade.When I first saw it, I couldn’t quite process it that I got a 69.83% (which just barely made the first class grade) and the words next to it had First Class Honours. I just kept staring at it and shaking my head and I was really speechless. I never thought I would see those words on the screen. I was very certain that I would get a 2:1 because I calculated it over and over again (hoping it would be a 1st class) but finally accepting that I shouldn’t have even thought about getting a high grade and I am just happy with a 2.1. I already told a lot of my family members that I will get a B and soon I was confident that I would get a 2.1 (which secretly made me feel disappointed) but I moved on and just accepted it.

But those words on the screen when I saw it really brought tears to my eyes. The three years have been a huge adventure and like I said before, it wasn’t the easiest or the most fun thing you could do in your life (at least for me lol)  but I took it as a chance to prove myself that I can do it and grow. I didn’t really get high grades so I wasn’t looking for the top grade at all and most of the lecturers/ tutors warned us that not a lot of people will get firsts, so I didn’t have high hopes for myself. I cruised through the first year and in the second year and cruised even further in my third year, hoping for at least a 2.1. As a person who also missed out on things, I like to keep to myself and just jump hoping to land safely at least a metre from the edge and I treated university the same way. I did my best and if it wasn’t enough then I had to accept it and move on. I never shared my grades with anyone (unless they ask) but it always plays over and over again in my mind that I will never get a top grade and that always stayed with me until the results day. I still cannot believe I got a First Class Honour!

Getting this grade means so much to me for several reasons. Firstly, as I mentioned above, I am not the person who was highly praised for being academically smart and most of my grades especially A-Levels was so crap. I even had my doubts if I will even make it into university. But now, I have officially finished on a high note and I couldn’t have been more proud of myself. After all the stress, crying, headaches and sleepless nights, I can now breathe a sigh of relief that I am officially finished with all the essays and I am officially finishing with a First Class Honours. All those times, I stood people up and told them I was too busy to meet them (cause I was doing some last minute essays lol), the times I shut myself in my room and forced Vanessa to stay with me during some of my all-nighters so I would have some company, the times she was annoying and told me ‘It will be fine, Trisha’ and ‘You need to calm down!’ (which followed with a pillow to her face and on one occasion I dug my nails into her arms- I said I was sorry and you can barely see the scarring hahaha) and the times I handed every essay in thinking that it is the best I could and it is up to God what grade I get. I am one of those people who doubted herself constantly and worried so much about the future but always kept it to myself cause I don’t want to bother people. People would tell me it would be fine and I will nod my head (even if deep down I doubt it will be lol) and just get on with things. I never thought of the possibility of getting a first in anything and even though I would get excited when I got a first in some of my essays, I tell myself that I need to tone down the excitement so I won’t be disappointed. But damn, I did it and got an unexpected First Class Honours.

Another reason this means so much to me is that getting a high grade means I have ticked off one of the things on my bucket list, which is graduating from university and graduating with the highest grade possible. I know that going to university is a privilege as my parents always tell us, education is something people cannot take away from you and something you can never lose. So many people dream of going to university and they cannot afford to, so I feel so blessed that I stuck with it and finished university. I know this also means so much to my family that I am going to be graduating and there are not enough words I can write and say to thank them enough for quietly supporting me.

To my parents, thank you for always pushing me to be the best I could be and showering me with all the things I want and need. My parents work so hard every day to earn money to pay for all the necessities in life and they never wanted anything back except the promise from us to work hard and be a good person. Nothing can ever repay the unconditional love my parents have given me all my life but I hope now that I am going to be graduating, I can share with them the pride of this great accomplishment and a toast to the start of a fruitful future that they have always believed I would have.

To my sisters, firstly to Vanessa, you have always been annoying and we have had a lot of fights and I am sure there are still more to come. You have always made fun of me (mostly about my ex-boyfriends) but you have also brought some fun into my life by being my volunteer PA by bringing all my stuff for me up and down the stairs. Even if I injured you in the process or told you to be quiet, I always appreciated your encouraging words and your willingness to help me realise that I can do it! To Beatrice, thank you for helping me make peace with my inner child. With all the stress, I was always so serious about getting things done to prove that I have become an adult but with all the times spent with you, you have helped me take a break from being all grown up and watch cartoons and play childish games I have missed so much (plus it gave me a reason not to do my essays).

To all my aunts, uncles and cousins, you have always been there with supportive advice and compliments and even if we do not get to see or speak to each other as much as we would like, I know you are cheering me on with great enthusiasm. To all my Lolas, you have taken care of me since I was little and watched me grow into the person I am now. You have passed on your wisdom to my parents and they have passed it on to me and that has helped shaped my values on life and the power of prayer. I know we don’t go to church as much as we should but I also know that all of you always pray for me, for my health, my happiness and for my studies. I am so glad that both of our prayers have been answered and I am graduating with the highest honours. I will send some pictures over so I can share the blessings that God has given me. To my late Lolo Al and Lolo Ramon, I am so sad that you can’t see me graduate but I hope you are looking down on me and are very proud.

To all the few friends that stuck with me since childhood and until now, thank you so much for making me realise the power of friendship and I appreciate all the support you have given me (even though I didn’t get to meet up or hang out as much as you would have liked me to come and meet up). I will try and make an effort to come hang out more hahaha. To all the friends I met at university, you have been amazing and I am sure our paths will cross again and you will go on to greater things. To all the lecturers that taught me, you have opened my eyes and ears about social issues from theories that seemed like from many years ago (that I would have normally not even realised existed or wanted to read) but those lessons will stay with me in my mind and has not only made me more wiser but full of curiosity to discover more. 

After today I would be officially ending my university life with the highest grade and closing a huge chapter of my life. I cannot wait to see what the future has install for me. Let us toast to more undiscovered adventures that is now waiting to be discovered. 

Peace and Love, 

Trisha xo

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Being a Grown-up

Sorry I haven’t posted for ages since I have been swamped with events and work and life in general. I will keep this short since I want to plan ahead some ideas of what to write about. I have been busying working at my new workplace which I have been enjoying so far. I am looking for another work since it is just a part-time job but I will see how this one goes in the meantime. I have my graduation coming up and so I have been getting ready for that (I still have a few things still missing but apart from that I think I’m ready). My mom recently had her birthday and we had a lovely time spending some quality family time. I wanted to post on here but she wanted to keep it hush-hush lol. I am enjoying being single and focusing on me for a little while. Everyone is doing good and I am slowly figuring out this being a grown-up thing. 

Anyways, I promise I will make a much better effort on posting on this blog and writing more about my life and every undiscovered adventure I will be going to and hopefully discovering. 

Peace and Love xo

Trisha 

HAPPINESS

How do you do it every single day?
A piece of your heart you have to give away
Pleasing everyone is not the best thing
Pleasing yourself has a nicer ring
In this world, we need more laughter and smiles
Nothing can compare to how the sun shines for miles
Every day you can make a change by living a positive life
Simply ignore the bad memories and moments of strife
So, you can think more about yourself, never less
…Don’t allow others to downplay your happiness! 

A Different Kind of Independence

Why living at home with my family throughout university did not hinder my independence but gave me something much better

When I was deciding where to go for university there was a lot of talk about independence and moving away from home and basically living the “uni life” without the help of your parents and being more independent. A lot of my friends were excited to leave Cambridge and go somewhere else to explore a different surrounding and see how well they can cope being away from home. At one point, I also felt the need to go explore another place too and get away from home for a bit just to see what happens (I mean isn’t that what every college student wish for?)

In the middle of my final year of A-Levels, my mum announced that we are going to have another person in our family because she is pregnant. I was of course very happy for her and having another family member is an exciting thing so my parents thought that it would be a good idea for me to just stay in Cambridge and help them look after the baby. I wasn’t really sure what to say or think. When I told my friends that I might be staying in Cambridge for my university, it was definitely a bag of mixed reactions. Some of them understood that its the best thing to do as having a new member of the family is an adventure in itself but most of them had doubts about how my future will turn out. People would raise their eyebrows like I’m a crazy person and those who had some opinions to say expressed it loud and clear. Many people would tell me: “It’s your decision, but if it was me I wouldn’t stay”“Cambridge is a nice place but I’m going, to be honest, your university is not the best [compared to mine]”, “Why do you need to take care of the baby? It’s your parent’s child!” or “It’s your life, Trisha. You shouldn’t let your parents control what you should do”. Those doubts made me start to think of all the bad things that could happen if I did stay in Cambridge to study. But even though I was worried, my gut was telling me to stay, so I did.

After the three years at university and finally having time to reflect on the meaning of independence, I really believe I made the right decision for me. Some people might think that it was a forced decision and my parents made me stay but the reason I stayed wasn’t for them, it was for me. If I walked away and went to live in another city or town, I think I would have been very sad, especially after spending nearly 7 months with my baby sister, Bea. I got to know her and if I pictured myself somewhere else and not had gotten the chance to see her grow into the cheeky and cute 3-year-old she is now, I really would have regretted it. Many people still raise their eyebrows at me even now and still believe that I just let my parents “control” me. People cannot seem to process the fact that even if I chose to continue living with my family, my independence wasn’t hindered in any way. I was the one who chose my degree, I was the one who managed my finances and sorted out documents that were related to university and even though I was still eating and living under my parent’s roof, I learnt that independence is not about going on an adventure alone. Independence for me means that I get to choose the adventures I discover and I get to decide the people that become part of that adventure, in this case, my family. 

Being independent means recognising and learning skills that you need in life that you can use when life needs you to survive. Yes, independence also means not having to be reliant on other people like your family- but being with my family has made me stronger than ever as a person, a sister and a daughter. I got to make endless memories filled with arguments and laughter that going to another place would have taken away from me. It made me value my family more because no matter how much we fight or make fun of each other, we really love each other and nothing can replace family. So, I didn’t sacrifice independence and even if you think I did, you would be mistaken because I learnt that happiness comes from the simplest of things, from the people who are the closest to you, your family and that is something no one (no matter how you say you were right or I would have regretted it) can take away from me. 

Pig for Slaughter

You didn’t get your way with one
Now, you are trying with the other
You want it to be your decision
You are turning into your father
Just like him, you want to be in control
Laying down rule after rule after rule
You didn’t make me go down your path
You cannot make me into a fool
One mistake and it’s like the world ended
You just turned your face away from me
It suddenly became silent, no more noise
I guess this is the feeling of reality
No matter how you try and say
It’s not all about you
You has your dreams and you lost it
But I will still pursue
I’ll take you out of my mind
I’ll wipe you from my brain
You may be winning now
But I will make it through the pain
I am strong, I will not fail
I am my own mind, I will prevail
All you made me feel is like a pig for slaughter
Sometimes I wonder when you’ll treat me like your daughter

Love Never Dies

When someone leaves because they can’t stay
When someone is gone cause they have to go away
Just because they are gone, it doesn’t mean you should be sad
All you need to remember is the times you both had
You dream about them and wish they are there
When you look around, he seems to be everywhere
No matter how you try, he is not coming, gone forever
He is far away and you cannot see him, never
You feel lost, you feel like you want to cry
You feel like falling, why did he have to die?
But don’t waste your tears on something you can’t get
Sometimes it is easier if you just forget
Remember there are still many more doors you have to open
Don’t dwell on something that’s already happened
There are more opportunities, this is not the end
Forever you will cherish, the time you have spent
You need to keep him in your heart
Breathe and reach for a new start
The noise and pain might be really loud
Someday, you will make him really proud.

DEDICATED TO MY LATE GRANDFATHER/LOLO AL.
Died 2010.

Moving On

I have nothing to lose and more to gain
The time has come to stop the pain
The troubles are over and it’s going to stop
Time to climb and reach the mountain top
Just keep going cause you are gonna get there soon
Jump aboard and explore the planets, stars and moon
Travel the world and reach your goals
Complete my heart and reach my inner soul
I need to move on from the horrific past
Try to make the present last
Love me, my friends and family
Just relax and be problem free
Smile and laugh like before I met you
Achieve and Win, make my dreams come true
Starting right now, you are out of my life
You can no longer hurt me like a knife
I don’t need your hug or your kiss
We are over, you won’t be missed
I bid you farewell, you deadly stranger
Just stay away from me cause you’re the real danger.