~You will be rewarded with a Great Honour~

Today, I am going to be graduating with a FIRST CLASS HONOURS!!! I still cannot believe it that I got a First Class grade.When I first saw it, I couldn’t quite process it that I got a 69.83% (which just barely made the first class grade) and the words next to it had First Class Honours. I just kept staring at it and shaking my head and I was really speechless. I never thought I would see those words on the screen. I was very certain that I would get a 2:1 because I calculated it over and over again (hoping it would be a 1st class) but finally accepting that I shouldn’t have even thought about getting a high grade and I am just happy with a 2.1. I already told a lot of my family members that I will get a B and soon I was confident that I would get a 2.1 (which secretly made me feel disappointed) but I moved on and just accepted it.

But those words on the screen when I saw it really brought tears to my eyes. The three years have been a huge adventure and like I said before, it wasn’t the easiest or the most fun thing you could do in your life (at least for me lol)  but I took it as a chance to prove myself that I can do it and grow. I didn’t really get high grades so I wasn’t looking for the top grade at all and most of the lecturers/ tutors warned us that not a lot of people will get firsts, so I didn’t have high hopes for myself. I cruised through the first year and in the second year and cruised even further in my third year, hoping for at least a 2.1. As a person who also missed out on things, I like to keep to myself and just jump hoping to land safely at least a metre from the edge and I treated university the same way. I did my best and if it wasn’t enough then I had to accept it and move on. I never shared my grades with anyone (unless they ask) but it always plays over and over again in my mind that I will never get a top grade and that always stayed with me until the results day. I still cannot believe I got a First Class Honour!

Getting this grade means so much to me for several reasons. Firstly, as I mentioned above, I am not the person who was highly praised for being academically smart and most of my grades especially A-Levels was so crap. I even had my doubts if I will even make it into university. But now, I have officially finished on a high note and I couldn’t have been more proud of myself. After all the stress, crying, headaches and sleepless nights, I can now breathe a sigh of relief that I am officially finished with all the essays and I am officially finishing with a First Class Honours. All those times, I stood people up and told them I was too busy to meet them (cause I was doing some last minute essays lol), the times I shut myself in my room and forced Vanessa to stay with me during some of my all-nighters so I would have some company, the times she was annoying and told me ‘It will be fine, Trisha’ and ‘You need to calm down!’ (which followed with a pillow to her face and on one occasion I dug my nails into her arms- I said I was sorry and you can barely see the scarring hahaha) and the times I handed every essay in thinking that it is the best I could and it is up to God what grade I get. I am one of those people who doubted herself constantly and worried so much about the future but always kept it to myself cause I don’t want to bother people. People would tell me it would be fine and I will nod my head (even if deep down I doubt it will be lol) and just get on with things. I never thought of the possibility of getting a first in anything and even though I would get excited when I got a first in some of my essays, I tell myself that I need to tone down the excitement so I won’t be disappointed. But damn, I did it and got an unexpected First Class Honours.

Another reason this means so much to me is that getting a high grade means I have ticked off one of the things on my bucket list, which is graduating from university and graduating with the highest grade possible. I know that going to university is a privilege as my parents always tell us, education is something people cannot take away from you and something you can never lose. So many people dream of going to university and they cannot afford to, so I feel so blessed that I stuck with it and finished university. I know this also means so much to my family that I am going to be graduating and there are not enough words I can write and say to thank them enough for quietly supporting me.

To my parents, thank you for always pushing me to be the best I could be and showering me with all the things I want and need. My parents work so hard every day to earn money to pay for all the necessities in life and they never wanted anything back except the promise from us to work hard and be a good person. Nothing can ever repay the unconditional love my parents have given me all my life but I hope now that I am going to be graduating, I can share with them the pride of this great accomplishment and a toast to the start of a fruitful future that they have always believed I would have.

To my sisters, firstly to Vanessa, you have always been annoying and we have had a lot of fights and I am sure there are still more to come. You have always made fun of me (mostly about my ex-boyfriends) but you have also brought some fun into my life by being my volunteer PA by bringing all my stuff for me up and down the stairs. Even if I injured you in the process or told you to be quiet, I always appreciated your encouraging words and your willingness to help me realise that I can do it! To Beatrice, thank you for helping me make peace with my inner child. With all the stress, I was always so serious about getting things done to prove that I have become an adult but with all the times spent with you, you have helped me take a break from being all grown up and watch cartoons and play childish games I have missed so much (plus it gave me a reason not to do my essays).

To all my aunts, uncles and cousins, you have always been there with supportive advice and compliments and even if we do not get to see or speak to each other as much as we would like, I know you are cheering me on with great enthusiasm. To all my Lolas, you have taken care of me since I was little and watched me grow into the person I am now. You have passed on your wisdom to my parents and they have passed it on to me and that has helped shaped my values on life and the power of prayer. I know we don’t go to church as much as we should but I also know that all of you always pray for me, for my health, my happiness and for my studies. I am so glad that both of our prayers have been answered and I am graduating with the highest honours. I will send some pictures over so I can share the blessings that God has given me. To my late Lolo Al and Lolo Ramon, I am so sad that you can’t see me graduate but I hope you are looking down on me and are very proud.

To all the few friends that stuck with me since childhood and until now, thank you so much for making me realise the power of friendship and I appreciate all the support you have given me (even though I didn’t get to meet up or hang out as much as you would have liked me to come and meet up). I will try and make an effort to come hang out more hahaha. To all the friends I met at university, you have been amazing and I am sure our paths will cross again and you will go on to greater things. To all the lecturers that taught me, you have opened my eyes and ears about social issues from theories that seemed like from many years ago (that I would have normally not even realised existed or wanted to read) but those lessons will stay with me in my mind and has not only made me more wiser but full of curiosity to discover more. 

After today I would be officially ending my university life with the highest grade and closing a huge chapter of my life. I cannot wait to see what the future has install for me. Let us toast to more undiscovered adventures that is now waiting to be discovered. 

Peace and Love, 

Trisha xo

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Being a Grown-up

Sorry I haven’t posted for ages since I have been swamped with events and work and life in general. I will keep this short since I want to plan ahead some ideas of what to write about. I have been busying working at my new workplace which I have been enjoying so far. I am looking for another work since it is just a part-time job but I will see how this one goes in the meantime. I have my graduation coming up and so I have been getting ready for that (I still have a few things still missing but apart from that I think I’m ready). My mom recently had her birthday and we had a lovely time spending some quality family time. I wanted to post on here but she wanted to keep it hush-hush lol. I am enjoying being single and focusing on me for a little while. Everyone is doing good and I am slowly figuring out this being a grown-up thing. 

Anyways, I promise I will make a much better effort on posting on this blog and writing more about my life and every undiscovered adventure I will be going to and hopefully discovering. 

Peace and Love xo

Trisha 

Freckles

I once had a fish named Freckles
He loved nothing more than doing heckles
Once the dog said: “Why are you so tiny?”
Freckles replied: “What’s it to you, Whiny?”
The cat once told him he is about to be eaten
Freckles stared him down, he wasn’t about to be beaten
He got out of the fish tank and clapped his fins
He walked towards Tommy the Cat and gave a devilish grin
We haven’t seen the cat in years but we found his third paw
Inside Freckles fish tank sitting there with his nails from his claw
Freckles was using them to clean his teeth and scratch his ass
The parrot stopped talking, Freckles must have given him some sass
One day, Freckles went all green and he got bigger and bigger
Then we saw the rat climb on his fish tank and pull the trigger
Of the plug, the water began to be drained until Freckles was on the floor
Soon, my dear Freckles was face to face with the slightly strained toilet door
My sister lifted it up and down went Freckles in the swirly, murky toilet water
Then she started screaming as the lid lifted up and something sharp caught her
There stood a scaly beast that reached the roof and its eyes looked at us two
I promise you, my reader, this story is one hundred percent, absolutely true!
So I have a now have a full grown CROCODILE named Freckles
He ate my sister but he is really good at heckles.

Determined

So many things have changed I have lost count
So many things to do and it’s starting to mount
Changes have come and doors start to open
The time has passed and so much has happened
Life has been hectic I had to run to keep up
Gotta keep on running until I reach the top
Now I am here there is no chance of slowing
Too much perseverance gotta keep on going!

Haunted by You

Every day I see you, it brings back all the memories
It makes me shiver and sigh, reminding me of the sorries
You seem too distant, so far away from me
Wanting me to act all fake so you can be free
No matter how many times I say to myself we are nothing anymore
I just love you too much that I start to cry, my tears start to pour
I just look from afar, maybe you’ll look my way
Maybe you’ll come over and sit and even stay
I wish we’d talk more often like we used to do back then and before
Keeping each other company and dreaming of that love has in store
But instead, you’re with her laughing and playing your endless game
You have forgotten all about me and yet right now I am the one to blame
Cause I remember everything from the beginning until the end
Even when you didn’t have a clue, even before you were my friend
I thought you were someone special, I think about you every night
Hoping we can be together again, wishing you had been Mr Right
But it’s never simple, it’s actually a difficult thing
How you treat me like I’m dirt while you play King
It’s complicated, hard, I just can’t cope
All I can do now is just pray and hope
For better, for good, for you
Even if it was not a dream come true
I want to tell you all the things I never got to say
How I wish you would always be beside me day by day
I wanted to make this all real
I wanted to show you how I truly feel
The ways you made me laugh and smile
The times we made everything worthwhile
The kiss in the rain and the made outs on the chair
The way you stroked and brushed my hair
The moments your hands keeps touching my skin
The feelings that screamed we are the ones who’ll win
I thought I was the one for you, that we will never part
The one who helped you mend your broken heart
I kept thinking I was gonna be your first and last
Turns out you after the years have gone, I am just your past
Maybe it is time to just give it all up and never try
At least, that way I wouldn’t have to hide my face and cry
I’m tired of wasting my time and my tears,
You promised to bring the happiness not the fears
I need to accept that this chapter is done
Farewell, I am on my way now, I am almost gone
I have nothing else to do but vanish from your sight
Nothing to do except fix my heart and go look for the light
I hope this is not goodbye so please don’t cry
Cause if you do, I’ll know that I’m the reason why…

One Month of Job Hunting

I can’t believe it has already been over a month since I submitted my dissertation, the month of May has ended and it is now June. That means I have been basically hunting for jobs for a month now. May has definitely been hectic and filled with stress and my right forefinger glued to the scroll down button as I skimmed passed hundreds and thousands of jobs on every single job websites you can think of. I feel like day after day my head would explode and sleep always won at the end as soon as my head hit the pillow. I wish I could say this journey had been fun so far but that would be lying.

At the start of the month, I was ready to jump into looking for work cause why waste time when there are plenty of opportunities available out there, right? I was so ready to go look for some work that will help me get ahead of everyone and gain some experience in an area where I hope to keep climbing. I wanted a job related to my degree, Media Studies, where I can feel that going to university and having £27,000 debt on my shoulders would pay off (and be paid off quickly). I was ready to go conquer the Media world like those beautiful people you see in the movies where they are so hyped about the next step of looking for work and they just get it like destiny made it that way. Unfortunately, sometimes reality isn’t like what you see in the movies and the world doesn’t want to co-operate with how you see your life playing out. There wasn’t much media related job in Cambridge and those that are available require previous experience (which I don’t have)and right now going off to London or some other place would be pointless since I don’t graduate until October. So what do you do when no jobs are available that suits your preferences? You go to the next related thing that will help you gain experience, Apprenticeships.

I applied for an apprenticeship before and I didn’t get that. So, I was not too sure if applying for more is a good idea. But it was worth a shot and it WILL help me gain training and make connections with more people in the industry so its a start. I applied for a lot of media-related apprentices in areas such as digital marketing and social media. I just wanted to find something to do which will help me gain money and just some experience in a workplace. I applied for five apprenticeships in total (so far) and received one phone call. I was so nervous getting a phone call as I hate talking to people on the phone but I did gather up the courage to phone them back (I missed it and it went to voicemail cause hungry lol) and they just asked me to send them an email about the modules I did at university. The email was sent off and I never received anything back from them which made me feel kinda sad. However, I knew there are other areas I can try going into even if this did end with a dead end.

One of those areas was doing an internship around Cambridge which was fairly difficult as there isn’t much of those here either but I knew no one will take me if it having experience that they are looking for. By this point in the job searching journey, I was feeling a little down that there wasn’t much happening and it is not happening as quick as I had anticipated. I was also at the point of doubt and frustration as the only option ultimately will be an internship in London as there are dozens there. But even then and right now, I feel with how the world is going I need to hold off going further away but if it comes to graduation and I am still jobless, going to do an internship is still on the cards. In the meantime, my mum has suggested I go down a different path and see how I do in another career which is childcare as my work experience was a Playgroup Assistant. Many people have told me that I do so good with children so I thought I’d try it and maybe this is the path I was destined to discover. So, I have put aside all the media stuff for now and I applied for non-qualified nursery jobs and other childcare jobs such as playworker around my local area and Cambridge. I did apply for other various jobs such as a data entry clerk and an office assistant but I was rejected. But despite the rejection, at the end of May, I have been in communication with an agency which supplies teaching assistant and nursery assistant roles in various schools around Cambridge and my application and details are currently under clearance. I also had an interview for a playworker role in a primary school in Cambridge and another playworker role application form was filled out for another school in my local area. Everything is in the balance right now and I will update you guys with more information if I am successful or not. (either way, I am getting practice in doing interviews, making and answering phone calls and completing application forms so it is still benefitting me).

A month of job hunting has just finished and with the summer just around the corner, more days of job hunting is still to come. It is a long journey but hopefully a worthwhile one and it is all part of the adventures I will need to discover as part of life. Wish me luck guys and let’s see where this adventure will take me.

What happens now?

I’m not pretty, I’m not perfect, I’m nothing to anyone
They always go away, always disappearing, gone
They never even stay for too long
Never a year, never forever, it has gone wrong
First, they win me with words and sorts and stuff
Filling me with sweet things and playful fluff
Then, without realising, slowly I break into million ones
They pretend they betray, they hate and they pounce
No more love, no more peace, just hatred and guilt
The scales start to become unbalanced, it starts to tilt
It moves towards you, so you are the one who wins
Hurting me all the time at the drop of a pin
And when I’m broken, you make me miss your absence
You force me to sit and listen to the silence
To emphasise just how badly I’ll need you
And the fact that you won’t miss me too
Leaving me, Leaving me, Leaving me to cry
Leaving me and walking away, leaving me wonder why?