One Month of Job Hunting

I can’t believe it has already been over a month since I submitted my dissertation, the month of May has ended and it is now June. That means I have been basically hunting for jobs for a month now. May has definitely been hectic and filled with stress and my right forefinger glued to the scroll down button as I skimmed passed hundreds and thousands of jobs on every single job websites you can think of. I feel like day after day my head would explode and sleep always won at the end as soon as my head hit the pillow. I wish I could say this journey had been fun so far but that would be lying.

At the start of the month, I was ready to jump into looking for work cause why waste time when there are plenty of opportunities available out there, right? I was so ready to go look for some work that will help me get ahead of everyone and gain some experience in an area where I hope to keep climbing. I wanted a job related to my degree, Media Studies, where I can feel that going to university and having £27,000 debt on my shoulders would pay off (and be paid off quickly). I was ready to go conquer the Media world like those beautiful people you see in the movies where they are so hyped about the next step of looking for work and they just get it like destiny made it that way. Unfortunately, sometimes reality isn’t like what you see in the movies and the world doesn’t want to co-operate with how you see your life playing out. There wasn’t much media related job in Cambridge and those that are available require previous experience (which I don’t have)and right now going off to London or some other place would be pointless since I don’t graduate until October. So what do you do when no jobs are available that suits your preferences? You go to the next related thing that will help you gain experience, Apprenticeships.

I applied for an apprenticeship before and I didn’t get that. So, I was not too sure if applying for more is a good idea. But it was worth a shot and it WILL help me gain training and make connections with more people in the industry so its a start. I applied for a lot of media-related apprentices in areas such as digital marketing and social media. I just wanted to find something to do which will help me gain money and just some experience in a workplace. I applied for five apprenticeships in total (so far) and received one phone call. I was so nervous getting a phone call as I hate talking to people on the phone but I did gather up the courage to phone them back (I missed it and it went to voicemail cause hungry lol) and they just asked me to send them an email about the modules I did at university. The email was sent off and I never received anything back from them which made me feel kinda sad. However, I knew there are other areas I can try going into even if this did end with a dead end.

One of those areas was doing an internship around Cambridge which was fairly difficult as there isn’t much of those here either but I knew no one will take me if it having experience that they are looking for. By this point in the job searching journey, I was feeling a little down that there wasn’t much happening and it is not happening as quick as I had anticipated. I was also at the point of doubt and frustration as the only option ultimately will be an internship in London as there are dozens there. But even then and right now, I feel with how the world is going I need to hold off going further away but if it comes to graduation and I am still jobless, going to do an internship is still on the cards. In the meantime, my mum has suggested I go down a different path and see how I do in another career which is childcare as my work experience was a Playgroup Assistant. Many people have told me that I do so good with children so I thought I’d try it and maybe this is the path I was destined to discover. So, I have put aside all the media stuff for now and I applied for non-qualified nursery jobs and other childcare jobs such as playworker around my local area and Cambridge. I did apply for other various jobs such as a data entry clerk and an office assistant but I was rejected. But despite the rejection, at the end of May, I have been in communication with an agency which supplies teaching assistant and nursery assistant roles in various schools around Cambridge and my application and details are currently under clearance. I also had an interview for a playworker role in a primary school in Cambridge and another playworker role application form was filled out for another school in my local area. Everything is in the balance right now and I will update you guys with more information if I am successful or not. (either way, I am getting practice in doing interviews, making and answering phone calls and completing application forms so it is still benefitting me).

A month of job hunting has just finished and with the summer just around the corner, more days of job hunting is still to come. It is a long journey but hopefully a worthwhile one and it is all part of the adventures I will need to discover as part of life. Wish me luck guys and let’s see where this adventure will take me.

Facebook- Logging off

I have decided to log off my Facebook account. I feel that I need to take a break from it and just move away from Facebook for a while. I haven’t been feeling like myself lately and I just need to an escape away from it all. Earlier this year I did a Facebook Detox for Lent and honestly, after that experience, I felt so carefree and relieved that I’m not bombarded with articles and adverts I didn’t give a damn about or things which were making me just feel sad when it shouldn’t be. Facebook has given me a platform to express myself and share my life but right now I feel like I need to step away and have some self-reflection. I shared so many good memories on there as well as several bad ones but as years went by it has all become mediocre and I just feel negative towards it now. Signing out from Facebook, FB Messenger and deleting all the apps from my devices will hopefully help me find more time to have a long think and just give me some space.

Right now, I won’t be deactivating it or deleting it yet, just gonna log it off. I think this decision is the best for me and even if I am not on Facebook, I will still have Snapchat, Twitter and Instagram. So if you want to chat, call me up or some news appeared on Facebook that you think I need to know, I will still be on the other social media networks, just not Facebook. A part of me will miss Facebook but the majority of me will soon forget about it. This is a goodbye to Facebook for now and you never know I might decide to log back on just to see how everyone is doing or maybe even start a new account. Also,  if you end up reading this, please know that it is not directed at anyone or was due to anything major happening because there is not anything that has happened or anyone that has forced me to do this. This is all my personal decision and something I have been meaning to do for ages. 

I want to thank everyone for making the Facebook experience memorable and just being part of many of my memories so far. See you around everyone!

If you do want to contact me, here are all my other social media details:

Twitter: @GangstaNoob007
Instagram: @trishaanne96
Snapchat: doryknowwhoiam

Now its… Bye Facebook Bye!

Online Representation

Hey online world this is me.
Who I am do you really have to you see?
I would stare down this lens and just talk
Well why don’t we go for a imaginary walk?
The place that the camera will never see
A place known as my investigation territory
You want to know what goes
You see people can put on a front and play a role
I do it all the sometimes to gain control *
I can be that girl who smiles at the camera and acts all happy
Laugh and smile even through I’m grumpy
Even though I’m sad I just shrug and say ok
So they’d think I’m totes fine and they will just go away!
I’d shut the world out and go to the person I wanna be

That girl who is almost perfection, crafted to the tee
She’d have a stunning and made up face
Looking beautiful and elegant, full of grace
I would be a star in the worlds eyes
A boys dream girl, the winning prize

Or that smart girl who knows every answer
She can balance her studies and being a hard worker
She is always on top, she gets the first place trophy
She’s also an animal lover, charity volunteer and very holy

Or I could be the Harry Potter fanatic, a total obsession
Every Harry Potter merchandise in my possession
I’d end up married to Rupert Grint and have a cat called Otter
Maybe I’ll even get a tattoo on my back of Harry Potter

Or I could be that mean girl, scrolling and judging
You want me gone well darling I’m not budging.
Let me tell you what is wrong with you and your face
You are so ugly, you’re mother thinks you’re a disgrace
Girl no one likes you, haven’t you noticed everyone tweeting
Btw just to let you know that your so called bf is cheating

So you see I can be anyone. I wanna be behind the screen
Flicking through, deleting and editing footage that will never be seen
Backstage I rule the world cause no will know it’s me
Secrets, fears, emotion are locked with a key
But if you really want to know about the girl on the other side
She’s ready to show people who she is…. Nowhere else to hide

She’s the girl who smiles and laughs for no apart reason
She looks exactly the same every single day of every season
She should really focus on her education and getting a job
But she can’t find the time right now and sometimes a lazy flop
She’s never said a mean thing about anyone, online or for real
Well apart from time to time when she wants to express how she feels
So there you go, comment, subscribe and check out the description
Im going to sleep now, that was my online self representation

There are a lot of things you’d know from a person if you give them a chance
You don’t have to tell them to go edit them selves and turn up the ‘enhance’
Maybe if we stopped investigating a person from what we see in the screen
Anyway who would listen to a girl who looks at a twisted reflection?
People are so bended these days do they know their self representation?

Teachings from my Facebook Detox

Today marks the end of Lent and I will be going back on Facebook again. On March 05, I wrote a post about giving up Facebook for Lent 2017 (Facebook Detox) and now the 40 days are over. I am going to be honest, I have never given anything up for Lent before but I wanted to give up something that I knew would take a lot to give up. I know some people are always giving up social media for Lent but personally giving up Facebook for me meant giving up being tempted surrounding myself with other people’s lives and forgetting to go live my own. I am constantly clicking on Facebook every morning and every night and checking constantly to get updates on other people, so giving it up was gonna be difficult. Spending 40 days without Facebook has taught me so many things.

I realized I didn’t need it as much as I thought at first. The act of not clicking on it and checking it, allowed me to see how great life is clicking on other things. I managed to spend time clicking on my emails and writing my essays plus I was able to help my little sister learn some educational apps on the tablet ready for her school in the Fall. I also spent more time sharing my poems and my thoughts on here with all you lovely people. 

I also found that Facebook was always a distraction even when I wasn’t posting on it because I would spend hours scrolling through and getting involved in some people’s lives and problems because I will forever be worrying about it or thinking about it all the time instead of thinking about my problems. But having Facebook at the back of my devices and having the inability to worry and focus on people’s lives really made a difference to how I looked at my life.  I was able to think more about who I am and share aspects of my life that matters to me without having to consider if other people judged me or not. 

Facebook was often the app I turned to because I can see gossip and arguments on there which I found interesting or articles that applied to me the most but at the same time I often found myself on there because I’m just bored. So, without Facebook, I saw the world from my point of view because I was not looking at other people’s lives as a past time and that way I wasn’t affected by anything related to others. Also, I found that I don’t need to look at Facebook everyday, so its okay to sign off and leave it alone once in a while. I mean, it did not make a difference to my life whatsoever and in fact I think it made my life better and brighter because I was so focused on myself that I didn’t have time or the care to look at what other people have or what others think of me. 

Giving up Facebook made me think about what I want in my life and made me realize how important the sacrifice that Jesus gave. Now, I am not going to claim that I have been reformed in some way or that this has made me a better Christian than I was before because I don’t think that would be true because I know that giving up Facebook for Lent is nothing compared to what Jesus had to do in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights. But I just wanted to share what this experience has taught me because I want to bring some positive outlook on life and how we don’t need social media every single day and we do not need to be surrounded by other people’s lives because the only life worth living is our own. 

Have A Great Day Everyone!

Leave a comment below on what you gave up for Lent and what it has taught you or just some comments on what you thought of this blog post. 

Concluding My Dissertation

Yesterday I finished the redraft of my dissertation and rewritten the conclusion. I’m going to be honest, I was kind of pushing it away from me and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. When I did finally got the courage to open the word document and read it, I was appalled at how terrible it was. I have written a lot of essays since I was 12 and by now I knew when something was slightly off. I mean, I knew I did rush it a bit so my dissertation supervisor can mark it and so it wasn’t my best work but I didn’t think it would be so awful. I then spent two days procrastinating and looking at it like it was a piece of turd that’s been left to dry where I hoped the rain would just wash it away but of course in the end I needed to scrape it off the concrete anyways. I spent yesterday re-doing the whole conclusion until I was satisfied that it was the best I can do. 

Once I have written the last words of my conclusion and combined it to the other sections of my dissertation, I felt so relieved. I finally finished everything and it felt so good to know that all I have to is just re-read it, add the contents page and the abstract and fix some citation issues. But at the same time, a part of me felt attached and nostalgic. As much as I said to myself that I hated this dissertation, in truth I really loved writing about it. I was writing about something that interested me and about a show (OUAT) that I absolutely love.  I got the chance to explore various aspects of my chosen topic and as an added bonus, I got to read a lot of general and very explicit fan fictions (which I already did in my spare time anyways haha). But once it sunk in that I was writing the very last words, I felt like crying. I have been working on this since September last year (or June, if you count the research phase) and at the beginning I was shaking my head and telling myself there is no way on earth I could write 10,000 words by April, But here we are, nearly finished and feeling sad that’s its over. 

I don’t really know why I feel so sad about something that I couldn’t wait to get rid off even at the very start. But I guess, I have bonded with it, I gave it some words on the page and took it into several directions, redrafted it so many times and stared at it for a few hours, hoping it would write itself. Now, it is all written and with only a few more bits to add, it will be ready to travel through the World Wide Web on its own at the end of the month and I won’t get to see how it turns out until the end of May or the beginning of June. 

Concluding my dissertation feels like concluding the end of my university life and in a way just like how my dissertation must go off and be assessed, I will have to leave university and do some self-assessment of my own in terms of what I want to do next. Even though both cases can be very scary, it is also very exciting as I discover my next undiscovered adventures. 

Now I must go do my other essays and then finalize my dissertation towards the end of the month before I say good luck and goodbye to my dissertation. (hopefully it will come back safe and sound). 

Last Lecture/Seminar

Last lecture and seminar today before the Easter Break. I can’t believe it has gone so quick already. I wish I could enjoy the holidays but I have to write the essays and refine my dissertation some more as well as the PDP. I’m glad that it’s nearly the end and I do not have to write another essay in my life after this. But at the same time, I am also scared that I won’t have anything to do after it is all finish so everything right now is kinda bittersweet.

Anyways I’m just gonna try and get through the day and enjoy the last lecture and seminar before it’s time to hop on the bus back home and relax with some Chinese Takeway with my family and then a long sleep before tomorrow essay writing and tidying the house will resume.

Panel Debate Outcome

The other day I finished doing the panel debate and I was so nervous. We practiced three times and we felt pretty ready as we could ever be. We even got in class early to try and put podiums at the front using a square table and chairs so we could hold onto something once we were up there. We were third on the list and having watched two groups go before us made me even more nervous and scared. I though I was going to throw up. I even brought my inhaler just in case I couldn’t breathe and started hyperventilating. When we were called up, I was so scared and took a couple of breaths. I thought I was gonna mess up and just fumble all the words and we looked at each other and then it began. Now or never.

When it was over, I didn’t even realize that time was up and we actually did the panel debate. I was sort of in my own mind and had an out of body experience where I was thinking words in my head but my mouth is already moving and I couldn’t stop it. I missed a couple of words here and there for the actual debate but my mouth just kept on saying the things I can remember in my head. We didn’t even get to finish the whole debate but I’m glad we got it done! We just now have to wait for our results once everything else is done.

Shoutout to my panel buddy, Holly. We got it done and now we just have to do the essays. Gonna be missing hanging out with you in Ian’s room every Fridays haha.