~You will be rewarded with a Great Honour~

Today, I am going to be graduating with a FIRST CLASS HONOURS!!! I still cannot believe it that I got a First Class grade.When I first saw it, I couldn’t quite process it that I got a 69.83% (which just barely made the first class grade) and the words next to it had First Class Honours. I just kept staring at it and shaking my head and I was really speechless. I never thought I would see those words on the screen. I was very certain that I would get a 2:1 because I calculated it over and over again (hoping it would be a 1st class) but finally accepting that I shouldn’t have even thought about getting a high grade and I am just happy with a 2.1. I already told a lot of my family members that I will get a B and soon I was confident that I would get a 2.1 (which secretly made me feel disappointed) but I moved on and just accepted it.

But those words on the screen when I saw it really brought tears to my eyes. The three years have been a huge adventure and like I said before, it wasn’t the easiest or the most fun thing you could do in your life (at least for me lol)  but I took it as a chance to prove myself that I can do it and grow. I didn’t really get high grades so I wasn’t looking for the top grade at all and most of the lecturers/ tutors warned us that not a lot of people will get firsts, so I didn’t have high hopes for myself. I cruised through the first year and in the second year and cruised even further in my third year, hoping for at least a 2.1. As a person who also missed out on things, I like to keep to myself and just jump hoping to land safely at least a metre from the edge and I treated university the same way. I did my best and if it wasn’t enough then I had to accept it and move on. I never shared my grades with anyone (unless they ask) but it always plays over and over again in my mind that I will never get a top grade and that always stayed with me until the results day. I still cannot believe I got a First Class Honour!

Getting this grade means so much to me for several reasons. Firstly, as I mentioned above, I am not the person who was highly praised for being academically smart and most of my grades especially A-Levels was so crap. I even had my doubts if I will even make it into university. But now, I have officially finished on a high note and I couldn’t have been more proud of myself. After all the stress, crying, headaches and sleepless nights, I can now breathe a sigh of relief that I am officially finished with all the essays and I am officially finishing with a First Class Honours. All those times, I stood people up and told them I was too busy to meet them (cause I was doing some last minute essays lol), the times I shut myself in my room and forced Vanessa to stay with me during some of my all-nighters so I would have some company, the times she was annoying and told me ‘It will be fine, Trisha’ and ‘You need to calm down!’ (which followed with a pillow to her face and on one occasion I dug my nails into her arms- I said I was sorry and you can barely see the scarring hahaha) and the times I handed every essay in thinking that it is the best I could and it is up to God what grade I get. I am one of those people who doubted herself constantly and worried so much about the future but always kept it to myself cause I don’t want to bother people. People would tell me it would be fine and I will nod my head (even if deep down I doubt it will be lol) and just get on with things. I never thought of the possibility of getting a first in anything and even though I would get excited when I got a first in some of my essays, I tell myself that I need to tone down the excitement so I won’t be disappointed. But damn, I did it and got an unexpected First Class Honours.

Another reason this means so much to me is that getting a high grade means I have ticked off one of the things on my bucket list, which is graduating from university and graduating with the highest grade possible. I know that going to university is a privilege as my parents always tell us, education is something people cannot take away from you and something you can never lose. So many people dream of going to university and they cannot afford to, so I feel so blessed that I stuck with it and finished university. I know this also means so much to my family that I am going to be graduating and there are not enough words I can write and say to thank them enough for quietly supporting me.

To my parents, thank you for always pushing me to be the best I could be and showering me with all the things I want and need. My parents work so hard every day to earn money to pay for all the necessities in life and they never wanted anything back except the promise from us to work hard and be a good person. Nothing can ever repay the unconditional love my parents have given me all my life but I hope now that I am going to be graduating, I can share with them the pride of this great accomplishment and a toast to the start of a fruitful future that they have always believed I would have.

To my sisters, firstly to Vanessa, you have always been annoying and we have had a lot of fights and I am sure there are still more to come. You have always made fun of me (mostly about my ex-boyfriends) but you have also brought some fun into my life by being my volunteer PA by bringing all my stuff for me up and down the stairs. Even if I injured you in the process or told you to be quiet, I always appreciated your encouraging words and your willingness to help me realise that I can do it! To Beatrice, thank you for helping me make peace with my inner child. With all the stress, I was always so serious about getting things done to prove that I have become an adult but with all the times spent with you, you have helped me take a break from being all grown up and watch cartoons and play childish games I have missed so much (plus it gave me a reason not to do my essays).

To all my aunts, uncles and cousins, you have always been there with supportive advice and compliments and even if we do not get to see or speak to each other as much as we would like, I know you are cheering me on with great enthusiasm. To all my Lolas, you have taken care of me since I was little and watched me grow into the person I am now. You have passed on your wisdom to my parents and they have passed it on to me and that has helped shaped my values on life and the power of prayer. I know we don’t go to church as much as we should but I also know that all of you always pray for me, for my health, my happiness and for my studies. I am so glad that both of our prayers have been answered and I am graduating with the highest honours. I will send some pictures over so I can share the blessings that God has given me. To my late Lolo Al and Lolo Ramon, I am so sad that you can’t see me graduate but I hope you are looking down on me and are very proud.

To all the few friends that stuck with me since childhood and until now, thank you so much for making me realise the power of friendship and I appreciate all the support you have given me (even though I didn’t get to meet up or hang out as much as you would have liked me to come and meet up). I will try and make an effort to come hang out more hahaha. To all the friends I met at university, you have been amazing and I am sure our paths will cross again and you will go on to greater things. To all the lecturers that taught me, you have opened my eyes and ears about social issues from theories that seemed like from many years ago (that I would have normally not even realised existed or wanted to read) but those lessons will stay with me in my mind and has not only made me more wiser but full of curiosity to discover more. 

After today I would be officially ending my university life with the highest grade and closing a huge chapter of my life. I cannot wait to see what the future has install for me. Let us toast to more undiscovered adventures that is now waiting to be discovered. 

Peace and Love, 

Trisha xo

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The Best of Three Years

The three years that I have done at university will soon be officially over as the results come in and graduation is just three months away. I would say that I will miss it but to be honest there really isn’t much to miss except a few people who really made a difference in my life. That is probably a little harsh but it is the truth and they did say that the truth will set you free. While I have been waiting for the official results to come in from the academic board, I have been occupying myself with looking for jobs and spending some time with my family. I thought that the results would still be far away when I was looking towards the future all the way in May and now it is only a few more days before I find out what the undergraduate degree grade I will be receiving in October. Everyone has been so excited and all my relatives have been really supportive of all the things I have achieved in the last three years. This has made me really positive too and that is why I printed out all my essays that are 70% (A grades) and above so I have a physical memory of the great things I have gained whilst at university. 

I never thought I would get any A’s when I first started university after doing my A-Levels. My time at Sixth Form was okay but if I were to choose if I would rather do another five years of secondary school or even 2 more years at university then I would have gladly agreed. My grades at A-Levels wasn’t the best compared to other people and I just barely made it through to the second year and when it all finished I was so convinced and paranoid that I won’t pass my A-Levels (so paranoid that I started looking at other options and sorting out all the things that are needed for clearance). But when I woke up on results day, my first and second choice university have accepted me and even though my results were crap, I have made it into university. Phew!

Three years on from that, I am now sitting in my living room and typing this blog post and finally breathing a sigh of relief. University was one of the most stressful, headache-causing and nerve-wracking thing I have ever done so far in my life. The essays were an effort to get through, I had a lot of practical work I had to complete alongside it and I was always crying from anxiety and lack of sleep. But even if it was a terrible experience, I gained a lot of things in the process. I gained a lot of true friends that I hope I can stay in touch with for the rest of my life, some amazing tutors/lecturers who I have grown to like and those who have supported me throughout the three years. I have learnt about who I am as a person as well as a student. I have learnt A LOT about media theory, politics, journalism, web design, the economy and basically all the things that relate to media and those that doesn’t. I have made some great memories with my family and the most important thing of all, I did it all on my own. I survived university and lived to tell the tale. I conquered mountains of essays and practical work, spoke in front of a lot of people when doing presentations and got through the three years with an excellent outcome. 

That is why as a way of marking the end of university and getting the results that I thought would have been impossible to get three years ago, I have printed all my first class essays to celebrate the end of a stressful yet gratifying chapter of my life. I want to look back on them one day and maybe show myself as well as my future children how I did what I and others thought would have been impossible for me to do. I am so incredibly proud of myself and now I have several pieces of evidence of the rewards you can get and the satisfying feeling you get when you know you got something better than you thought you would actually get! 

One Month of Job Hunting

I can’t believe it has already been over a month since I submitted my dissertation, the month of May has ended and it is now June. That means I have been basically hunting for jobs for a month now. May has definitely been hectic and filled with stress and my right forefinger glued to the scroll down button as I skimmed passed hundreds and thousands of jobs on every single job websites you can think of. I feel like day after day my head would explode and sleep always won at the end as soon as my head hit the pillow. I wish I could say this journey had been fun so far but that would be lying.

At the start of the month, I was ready to jump into looking for work cause why waste time when there are plenty of opportunities available out there, right? I was so ready to go look for some work that will help me get ahead of everyone and gain some experience in an area where I hope to keep climbing. I wanted a job related to my degree, Media Studies, where I can feel that going to university and having £27,000 debt on my shoulders would pay off (and be paid off quickly). I was ready to go conquer the Media world like those beautiful people you see in the movies where they are so hyped about the next step of looking for work and they just get it like destiny made it that way. Unfortunately, sometimes reality isn’t like what you see in the movies and the world doesn’t want to co-operate with how you see your life playing out. There wasn’t much media related job in Cambridge and those that are available require previous experience (which I don’t have)and right now going off to London or some other place would be pointless since I don’t graduate until October. So what do you do when no jobs are available that suits your preferences? You go to the next related thing that will help you gain experience, Apprenticeships.

I applied for an apprenticeship before and I didn’t get that. So, I was not too sure if applying for more is a good idea. But it was worth a shot and it WILL help me gain training and make connections with more people in the industry so its a start. I applied for a lot of media-related apprentices in areas such as digital marketing and social media. I just wanted to find something to do which will help me gain money and just some experience in a workplace. I applied for five apprenticeships in total (so far) and received one phone call. I was so nervous getting a phone call as I hate talking to people on the phone but I did gather up the courage to phone them back (I missed it and it went to voicemail cause hungry lol) and they just asked me to send them an email about the modules I did at university. The email was sent off and I never received anything back from them which made me feel kinda sad. However, I knew there are other areas I can try going into even if this did end with a dead end.

One of those areas was doing an internship around Cambridge which was fairly difficult as there isn’t much of those here either but I knew no one will take me if it having experience that they are looking for. By this point in the job searching journey, I was feeling a little down that there wasn’t much happening and it is not happening as quick as I had anticipated. I was also at the point of doubt and frustration as the only option ultimately will be an internship in London as there are dozens there. But even then and right now, I feel with how the world is going I need to hold off going further away but if it comes to graduation and I am still jobless, going to do an internship is still on the cards. In the meantime, my mum has suggested I go down a different path and see how I do in another career which is childcare as my work experience was a Playgroup Assistant. Many people have told me that I do so good with children so I thought I’d try it and maybe this is the path I was destined to discover. So, I have put aside all the media stuff for now and I applied for non-qualified nursery jobs and other childcare jobs such as playworker around my local area and Cambridge. I did apply for other various jobs such as a data entry clerk and an office assistant but I was rejected. But despite the rejection, at the end of May, I have been in communication with an agency which supplies teaching assistant and nursery assistant roles in various schools around Cambridge and my application and details are currently under clearance. I also had an interview for a playworker role in a primary school in Cambridge and another playworker role application form was filled out for another school in my local area. Everything is in the balance right now and I will update you guys with more information if I am successful or not. (either way, I am getting practice in doing interviews, making and answering phone calls and completing application forms so it is still benefitting me).

A month of job hunting has just finished and with the summer just around the corner, more days of job hunting is still to come. It is a long journey but hopefully a worthwhile one and it is all part of the adventures I will need to discover as part of life. Wish me luck guys and let’s see where this adventure will take me.

Facebook- Logging off

I have decided to log off my Facebook account. I feel that I need to take a break from it and just move away from Facebook for a while. I haven’t been feeling like myself lately and I just need to an escape away from it all. Earlier this year I did a Facebook Detox for Lent and honestly, after that experience, I felt so carefree and relieved that I’m not bombarded with articles and adverts I didn’t give a damn about or things which were making me just feel sad when it shouldn’t be. Facebook has given me a platform to express myself and share my life but right now I feel like I need to step away and have some self-reflection. I shared so many good memories on there as well as several bad ones but as years went by it has all become mediocre and I just feel negative towards it now. Signing out from Facebook, FB Messenger and deleting all the apps from my devices will hopefully help me find more time to have a long think and just give me some space.

Right now, I won’t be deactivating it or deleting it yet, just gonna log it off. I think this decision is the best for me and even if I am not on Facebook, I will still have Snapchat, Twitter and Instagram. So if you want to chat, call me up or some news appeared on Facebook that you think I need to know, I will still be on the other social media networks, just not Facebook. A part of me will miss Facebook but the majority of me will soon forget about it. This is a goodbye to Facebook for now and you never know I might decide to log back on just to see how everyone is doing or maybe even start a new account. Also,  if you end up reading this, please know that it is not directed at anyone or was due to anything major happening because there is not anything that has happened or anyone that has forced me to do this. This is all my personal decision and something I have been meaning to do for ages. 

I want to thank everyone for making the Facebook experience memorable and just being part of many of my memories so far. See you around everyone!

If you do want to contact me, here are all my other social media details:

Twitter: @GangstaNoob007
Instagram: @trishaanne96
Snapchat: doryknowwhoiam

Now its… Bye Facebook Bye!

Online Representation

Hey online world this is me.
Who I am do you really have to you see?
I would stare down this lens and just talk
Well why don’t we go for a imaginary walk?
The place that the camera will never see
A place known as my investigation territory
You want to know what goes
You see people can put on a front and play a role
I do it all the sometimes to gain control *
I can be that girl who smiles at the camera and acts all happy
Laugh and smile even through I’m grumpy
Even though I’m sad I just shrug and say ok
So they’d think I’m totes fine and they will just go away!
I’d shut the world out and go to the person I wanna be

That girl who is almost perfection, crafted to the tee
She’d have a stunning and made up face
Looking beautiful and elegant, full of grace
I would be a star in the worlds eyes
A boys dream girl, the winning prize

Or that smart girl who knows every answer
She can balance her studies and being a hard worker
She is always on top, she gets the first place trophy
She’s also an animal lover, charity volunteer and very holy

Or I could be the Harry Potter fanatic, a total obsession
Every Harry Potter merchandise in my possession
I’d end up married to Rupert Grint and have a cat called Otter
Maybe I’ll even get a tattoo on my back of Harry Potter

Or I could be that mean girl, scrolling and judging
You want me gone well darling I’m not budging.
Let me tell you what is wrong with you and your face
You are so ugly, you’re mother thinks you’re a disgrace
Girl no one likes you, haven’t you noticed everyone tweeting
Btw just to let you know that your so called bf is cheating

So you see I can be anyone. I wanna be behind the screen
Flicking through, deleting and editing footage that will never be seen
Backstage I rule the world cause no will know it’s me
Secrets, fears, emotion are locked with a key
But if you really want to know about the girl on the other side
She’s ready to show people who she is…. Nowhere else to hide

She’s the girl who smiles and laughs for no apart reason
She looks exactly the same every single day of every season
She should really focus on her education and getting a job
But she can’t find the time right now and sometimes a lazy flop
She’s never said a mean thing about anyone, online or for real
Well apart from time to time when she wants to express how she feels
So there you go, comment, subscribe and check out the description
Im going to sleep now, that was my online self representation

There are a lot of things you’d know from a person if you give them a chance
You don’t have to tell them to go edit them selves and turn up the ‘enhance’
Maybe if we stopped investigating a person from what we see in the screen
Anyway who would listen to a girl who looks at a twisted reflection?
People are so bended these days do they know their self representation?

Teachings from my Facebook Detox

Today marks the end of Lent and I will be going back on Facebook again. On March 05, I wrote a post about giving up Facebook for Lent 2017 (Facebook Detox) and now the 40 days are over. I am going to be honest, I have never given anything up for Lent before but I wanted to give up something that I knew would take a lot to give up. I know some people are always giving up social media for Lent but personally giving up Facebook for me meant giving up being tempted surrounding myself with other people’s lives and forgetting to go live my own. I am constantly clicking on Facebook every morning and every night and checking constantly to get updates on other people, so giving it up was gonna be difficult. Spending 40 days without Facebook has taught me so many things.

I realized I didn’t need it as much as I thought at first. The act of not clicking on it and checking it, allowed me to see how great life is clicking on other things. I managed to spend time clicking on my emails and writing my essays plus I was able to help my little sister learn some educational apps on the tablet ready for her school in the Fall. I also spent more time sharing my poems and my thoughts on here with all you lovely people. 

I also found that Facebook was always a distraction even when I wasn’t posting on it because I would spend hours scrolling through and getting involved in some people’s lives and problems because I will forever be worrying about it or thinking about it all the time instead of thinking about my problems. But having Facebook at the back of my devices and having the inability to worry and focus on people’s lives really made a difference to how I looked at my life.  I was able to think more about who I am and share aspects of my life that matters to me without having to consider if other people judged me or not. 

Facebook was often the app I turned to because I can see gossip and arguments on there which I found interesting or articles that applied to me the most but at the same time I often found myself on there because I’m just bored. So, without Facebook, I saw the world from my point of view because I was not looking at other people’s lives as a past time and that way I wasn’t affected by anything related to others. Also, I found that I don’t need to look at Facebook everyday, so its okay to sign off and leave it alone once in a while. I mean, it did not make a difference to my life whatsoever and in fact I think it made my life better and brighter because I was so focused on myself that I didn’t have time or the care to look at what other people have or what others think of me. 

Giving up Facebook made me think about what I want in my life and made me realize how important the sacrifice that Jesus gave. Now, I am not going to claim that I have been reformed in some way or that this has made me a better Christian than I was before because I don’t think that would be true because I know that giving up Facebook for Lent is nothing compared to what Jesus had to do in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights. But I just wanted to share what this experience has taught me because I want to bring some positive outlook on life and how we don’t need social media every single day and we do not need to be surrounded by other people’s lives because the only life worth living is our own. 

Have A Great Day Everyone!

Leave a comment below on what you gave up for Lent and what it has taught you or just some comments on what you thought of this blog post. 

Concluding My Dissertation

Yesterday I finished the redraft of my dissertation and rewritten the conclusion. I’m going to be honest, I was kind of pushing it away from me and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. When I did finally got the courage to open the word document and read it, I was appalled at how terrible it was. I have written a lot of essays since I was 12 and by now I knew when something was slightly off. I mean, I knew I did rush it a bit so my dissertation supervisor can mark it and so it wasn’t my best work but I didn’t think it would be so awful. I then spent two days procrastinating and looking at it like it was a piece of turd that’s been left to dry where I hoped the rain would just wash it away but of course in the end I needed to scrape it off the concrete anyways. I spent yesterday re-doing the whole conclusion until I was satisfied that it was the best I can do. 

Once I have written the last words of my conclusion and combined it to the other sections of my dissertation, I felt so relieved. I finally finished everything and it felt so good to know that all I have to is just re-read it, add the contents page and the abstract and fix some citation issues. But at the same time, a part of me felt attached and nostalgic. As much as I said to myself that I hated this dissertation, in truth I really loved writing about it. I was writing about something that interested me and about a show (OUAT) that I absolutely love.  I got the chance to explore various aspects of my chosen topic and as an added bonus, I got to read a lot of general and very explicit fan fictions (which I already did in my spare time anyways haha). But once it sunk in that I was writing the very last words, I felt like crying. I have been working on this since September last year (or June, if you count the research phase) and at the beginning I was shaking my head and telling myself there is no way on earth I could write 10,000 words by April, But here we are, nearly finished and feeling sad that’s its over. 

I don’t really know why I feel so sad about something that I couldn’t wait to get rid off even at the very start. But I guess, I have bonded with it, I gave it some words on the page and took it into several directions, redrafted it so many times and stared at it for a few hours, hoping it would write itself. Now, it is all written and with only a few more bits to add, it will be ready to travel through the World Wide Web on its own at the end of the month and I won’t get to see how it turns out until the end of May or the beginning of June. 

Concluding my dissertation feels like concluding the end of my university life and in a way just like how my dissertation must go off and be assessed, I will have to leave university and do some self-assessment of my own in terms of what I want to do next. Even though both cases can be very scary, it is also very exciting as I discover my next undiscovered adventures. 

Now I must go do my other essays and then finalize my dissertation towards the end of the month before I say good luck and goodbye to my dissertation. (hopefully it will come back safe and sound).