~You will be rewarded with a Great Honour~

Today, I am going to be graduating with a FIRST CLASS HONOURS!!! I still cannot believe it that I got a First Class grade.When I first saw it, I couldn’t quite process it that I got a 69.83% (which just barely made the first class grade) and the words next to it had First Class Honours. I just kept staring at it and shaking my head and I was really speechless. I never thought I would see those words on the screen. I was very certain that I would get a 2:1 because I calculated it over and over again (hoping it would be a 1st class) but finally accepting that I shouldn’t have even thought about getting a high grade and I am just happy with a 2.1. I already told a lot of my family members that I will get a B and soon I was confident that I would get a 2.1 (which secretly made me feel disappointed) but I moved on and just accepted it.

But those words on the screen when I saw it really brought tears to my eyes. The three years have been a huge adventure and like I said before, it wasn’t the easiest or the most fun thing you could do in your life (at least for me lol)  but I took it as a chance to prove myself that I can do it and grow. I didn’t really get high grades so I wasn’t looking for the top grade at all and most of the lecturers/ tutors warned us that not a lot of people will get firsts, so I didn’t have high hopes for myself. I cruised through the first year and in the second year and cruised even further in my third year, hoping for at least a 2.1. As a person who also missed out on things, I like to keep to myself and just jump hoping to land safely at least a metre from the edge and I treated university the same way. I did my best and if it wasn’t enough then I had to accept it and move on. I never shared my grades with anyone (unless they ask) but it always plays over and over again in my mind that I will never get a top grade and that always stayed with me until the results day. I still cannot believe I got a First Class Honour!

Getting this grade means so much to me for several reasons. Firstly, as I mentioned above, I am not the person who was highly praised for being academically smart and most of my grades especially A-Levels was so crap. I even had my doubts if I will even make it into university. But now, I have officially finished on a high note and I couldn’t have been more proud of myself. After all the stress, crying, headaches and sleepless nights, I can now breathe a sigh of relief that I am officially finished with all the essays and I am officially finishing with a First Class Honours. All those times, I stood people up and told them I was too busy to meet them (cause I was doing some last minute essays lol), the times I shut myself in my room and forced Vanessa to stay with me during some of my all-nighters so I would have some company, the times she was annoying and told me ‘It will be fine, Trisha’ and ‘You need to calm down!’ (which followed with a pillow to her face and on one occasion I dug my nails into her arms- I said I was sorry and you can barely see the scarring hahaha) and the times I handed every essay in thinking that it is the best I could and it is up to God what grade I get. I am one of those people who doubted herself constantly and worried so much about the future but always kept it to myself cause I don’t want to bother people. People would tell me it would be fine and I will nod my head (even if deep down I doubt it will be lol) and just get on with things. I never thought of the possibility of getting a first in anything and even though I would get excited when I got a first in some of my essays, I tell myself that I need to tone down the excitement so I won’t be disappointed. But damn, I did it and got an unexpected First Class Honours.

Another reason this means so much to me is that getting a high grade means I have ticked off one of the things on my bucket list, which is graduating from university and graduating with the highest grade possible. I know that going to university is a privilege as my parents always tell us, education is something people cannot take away from you and something you can never lose. So many people dream of going to university and they cannot afford to, so I feel so blessed that I stuck with it and finished university. I know this also means so much to my family that I am going to be graduating and there are not enough words I can write and say to thank them enough for quietly supporting me.

To my parents, thank you for always pushing me to be the best I could be and showering me with all the things I want and need. My parents work so hard every day to earn money to pay for all the necessities in life and they never wanted anything back except the promise from us to work hard and be a good person. Nothing can ever repay the unconditional love my parents have given me all my life but I hope now that I am going to be graduating, I can share with them the pride of this great accomplishment and a toast to the start of a fruitful future that they have always believed I would have.

To my sisters, firstly to Vanessa, you have always been annoying and we have had a lot of fights and I am sure there are still more to come. You have always made fun of me (mostly about my ex-boyfriends) but you have also brought some fun into my life by being my volunteer PA by bringing all my stuff for me up and down the stairs. Even if I injured you in the process or told you to be quiet, I always appreciated your encouraging words and your willingness to help me realise that I can do it! To Beatrice, thank you for helping me make peace with my inner child. With all the stress, I was always so serious about getting things done to prove that I have become an adult but with all the times spent with you, you have helped me take a break from being all grown up and watch cartoons and play childish games I have missed so much (plus it gave me a reason not to do my essays).

To all my aunts, uncles and cousins, you have always been there with supportive advice and compliments and even if we do not get to see or speak to each other as much as we would like, I know you are cheering me on with great enthusiasm. To all my Lolas, you have taken care of me since I was little and watched me grow into the person I am now. You have passed on your wisdom to my parents and they have passed it on to me and that has helped shaped my values on life and the power of prayer. I know we don’t go to church as much as we should but I also know that all of you always pray for me, for my health, my happiness and for my studies. I am so glad that both of our prayers have been answered and I am graduating with the highest honours. I will send some pictures over so I can share the blessings that God has given me. To my late Lolo Al and Lolo Ramon, I am so sad that you can’t see me graduate but I hope you are looking down on me and are very proud.

To all the few friends that stuck with me since childhood and until now, thank you so much for making me realise the power of friendship and I appreciate all the support you have given me (even though I didn’t get to meet up or hang out as much as you would have liked me to come and meet up). I will try and make an effort to come hang out more hahaha. To all the friends I met at university, you have been amazing and I am sure our paths will cross again and you will go on to greater things. To all the lecturers that taught me, you have opened my eyes and ears about social issues from theories that seemed like from many years ago (that I would have normally not even realised existed or wanted to read) but those lessons will stay with me in my mind and has not only made me more wiser but full of curiosity to discover more. 

After today I would be officially ending my university life with the highest grade and closing a huge chapter of my life. I cannot wait to see what the future has install for me. Let us toast to more undiscovered adventures that is now waiting to be discovered. 

Peace and Love, 

Trisha xo

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Back at Blogging

Hi everyone!

I am now back at blogging after almost a month of resisting the urge to write articles/poems/stuff on here. I really missed blogging every day and hopefully, now that decisions have been made and life has settled a bit I can come back and carry on writing more stuff and the adventures I have been on (I have so much news to tell you, just wait and see). The summer is approaching even if it is raining and grey here in England (but that’s hardly a surprise) and there is so many things I have already done and about to do. The month off was definitely worth it and I am looking forward to a summer of more writing and exploring.

Stay tuned for all the posts I am going to make and I cannot wait to get you all up to speed on all the adventures I have discovered this past month and land of the unknown that is ready to be found!

Peace and Love xo

Trisha

One Month of Job Hunting

I can’t believe it has already been over a month since I submitted my dissertation, the month of May has ended and it is now June. That means I have been basically hunting for jobs for a month now. May has definitely been hectic and filled with stress and my right forefinger glued to the scroll down button as I skimmed passed hundreds and thousands of jobs on every single job websites you can think of. I feel like day after day my head would explode and sleep always won at the end as soon as my head hit the pillow. I wish I could say this journey had been fun so far but that would be lying.

At the start of the month, I was ready to jump into looking for work cause why waste time when there are plenty of opportunities available out there, right? I was so ready to go look for some work that will help me get ahead of everyone and gain some experience in an area where I hope to keep climbing. I wanted a job related to my degree, Media Studies, where I can feel that going to university and having £27,000 debt on my shoulders would pay off (and be paid off quickly). I was ready to go conquer the Media world like those beautiful people you see in the movies where they are so hyped about the next step of looking for work and they just get it like destiny made it that way. Unfortunately, sometimes reality isn’t like what you see in the movies and the world doesn’t want to co-operate with how you see your life playing out. There wasn’t much media related job in Cambridge and those that are available require previous experience (which I don’t have)and right now going off to London or some other place would be pointless since I don’t graduate until October. So what do you do when no jobs are available that suits your preferences? You go to the next related thing that will help you gain experience, Apprenticeships.

I applied for an apprenticeship before and I didn’t get that. So, I was not too sure if applying for more is a good idea. But it was worth a shot and it WILL help me gain training and make connections with more people in the industry so its a start. I applied for a lot of media-related apprentices in areas such as digital marketing and social media. I just wanted to find something to do which will help me gain money and just some experience in a workplace. I applied for five apprenticeships in total (so far) and received one phone call. I was so nervous getting a phone call as I hate talking to people on the phone but I did gather up the courage to phone them back (I missed it and it went to voicemail cause hungry lol) and they just asked me to send them an email about the modules I did at university. The email was sent off and I never received anything back from them which made me feel kinda sad. However, I knew there are other areas I can try going into even if this did end with a dead end.

One of those areas was doing an internship around Cambridge which was fairly difficult as there isn’t much of those here either but I knew no one will take me if it having experience that they are looking for. By this point in the job searching journey, I was feeling a little down that there wasn’t much happening and it is not happening as quick as I had anticipated. I was also at the point of doubt and frustration as the only option ultimately will be an internship in London as there are dozens there. But even then and right now, I feel with how the world is going I need to hold off going further away but if it comes to graduation and I am still jobless, going to do an internship is still on the cards. In the meantime, my mum has suggested I go down a different path and see how I do in another career which is childcare as my work experience was a Playgroup Assistant. Many people have told me that I do so good with children so I thought I’d try it and maybe this is the path I was destined to discover. So, I have put aside all the media stuff for now and I applied for non-qualified nursery jobs and other childcare jobs such as playworker around my local area and Cambridge. I did apply for other various jobs such as a data entry clerk and an office assistant but I was rejected. But despite the rejection, at the end of May, I have been in communication with an agency which supplies teaching assistant and nursery assistant roles in various schools around Cambridge and my application and details are currently under clearance. I also had an interview for a playworker role in a primary school in Cambridge and another playworker role application form was filled out for another school in my local area. Everything is in the balance right now and I will update you guys with more information if I am successful or not. (either way, I am getting practice in doing interviews, making and answering phone calls and completing application forms so it is still benefitting me).

A month of job hunting has just finished and with the summer just around the corner, more days of job hunting is still to come. It is a long journey but hopefully a worthwhile one and it is all part of the adventures I will need to discover as part of life. Wish me luck guys and let’s see where this adventure will take me.

Run, Run, Run…

As you guys know I have finished all of my university essays and I am on a mission in finding the next adventure: a job. So far, the mission hasn’t been as successful or as quick as I would like it to be but I know that this takes time and I need to consider the different options that are available. 

Another mission I have right now is trying to lose some weight. I have been stuck at 56 kilograms since I was 16 and because of everything happening, I haven’t had the chance to lose the weight. I know I didn’t have much of an excuse before and without university, I haven’t got any excuse now not to exercise. My goal weight would be 52 kilos or even less at around 45 kilos. This mission of losing weight will benefit me in so many ways. Firstly, it will really help with my self-esteem and how I see myself right now. The areas I want to improve are my stomach, my arms and my thighs. By improving those areas, I think I will like my body more because I will be able to feel lighter. I have always internally felt unhealthy but I always made up an excuse not to do anything about it. But now I have the chance to improve myself on the outside and on the inside too. 

Secondly, by losing some weight I can prove to myself that I can do it if I put my mind to it. I have always dismissed the fact that by running for 15 minutes a day I can lose some weight even if it’s only a couple of grams. I always make excuses or if I do exercise, it will only be for a day or two then I’ll give up. Also, the fear of having an asthma attack has gotten in my head to the point that I will stop exercising as soon as I get out of breath. I have been told not to push myself too hard as I could have an asthma attack if I do. 

However, since I have been going on the treadmill, I have been able to train myself to run for at least 2 minutes and rest for 5 minutes which will allow my heart to show down back to normal before I repeat the process again. I haven’t had to use my inhaler so far so that’s a good sign. I have also made a rule that after every meal and after exercising, I will need to drink 2 big glasses of water. I haven’t been drinking much water before even at school but it has really made a difference to how I’ve been feeling and making sure I’m getting all the waste out of my system and staying hydrated. 

I have also recently started on my arms today so I can try and lose some flab in all the areas I want to improve on. The exercise experience has been going well so far and even when I reach my goal weight I will make sure I maintain my weight and improve my eating habits (which I still have trouble doing lol).  I will keep you posted on how I am progressing and if I am able to lose the weight and get down to my goal. I will give an update in two months. Just gotta keep running! 

Thinking about the Future

I hate talking about the future or having to even think about it. I wish there was some teleportation device where I can just travel forward in time and see how life works out for me. I wish I could just see all the upsides and downfalls, all the happy moments and the sad moments, all the successes and struggles and just everything. I wish someone would come to me and give me the book of my life. A journal and encyclopaedia of what I am gonna be, what am I doing tomorrow, what am doing when I’m 30 years old, who will I marry, what my house will look like or even how many children or grandchildren I will have. Why can’t someone give me a crystal ball? I will look at it every morning and see all the things which will happen that day so I know what to avoid and what I should definitely be doing that day so everything will fit the way I want them to happen. Why does the future always seems so far away and so complicated, always hiding and a puzzle piece that you have to try and complete but no matter what sometimes the pieces doesn’t fit together or some days you just know that this puzzle has never ending pieces so you never know what it is or if you will ever have the chance to look at it in full.

If I had all these things, life would be so much easier. When I know a sad moment is about to come, then I can prepare myself and cry my eyes out even before it happens or do things differently so that sad moment never occurs. If I know that someone is about to propose to me then I can make sure to get a makeover and hire a photographer to capture that moment. If I knew that someone is going to die then I will be able to give that person a loving and deserving funeral. If life was just as easy as reading a book or traveling forward in time or even looking at a crystal ball then the future would be too, right?

But of course, in order for the future to appear I have to enjoy the present. I know that sometimes it’s hard to do this because life makes it so difficult to cope in living an ordinary life that could often be boring and mundane and lonely, everyday where you wish someone would just tell you what’s gonna happen. But no one really knows what will happen because that’s just life so we have to try and enjoy it even if it’s not what we want to do right at this moment.

The future might be tomorrow or in several years from now but I know that the future will only be as bright if I want it to be. Here’s to a bright and happy future!

In Five Years

I recently did the yearbook for graduation which suggests that the days are counting down and soon I will only be able to look at this book filled with pictures, words and memories of my time at university. In this yearbook, we had to fill in a section asking about our time at university and describing our favourite moments and who influenced us the most. I didn’t really know what angle I wanted to fill it in- should it be a funny, light hearted section or should I dig within the darkest soul and unleash the shade? I thought maybe I should write from the heart but in the end I thought it was a mixture of those things.

One question did make me think though. “Where do you see yourself in five years time?”. I have never had to answer this question before, people would normally ask me what I would want to do in the future, there was never a specific number. They could have asked what would you want to be in a year’s time or in 10 years time, tell us how life is?. Why does it have to be five? When I saw that question, I was stuck in thinking what I would write, the truth, a prediction or an over elaborated lie? I mean, if I told the truth which is I don’t really know, ask me again when five years time. If I tell a lie, it would be I will be sitting on a yacht in the middle of my expensive resort while my husband cooks me food and we are just loving life and never have to work, yup it is so fake. But if I predicted my life in five years then I guess that’s a middling between the truth and edging on a lie. So, I just asked my heart and head what I could see my life and I found myself writing: ‘In five years time, I would be well into my future dream career, managing my life both financially and socially. I would have liked to have gone on at least one holiday with my family where I paid for it and I thought it would be nice to be engaged or planning a wedding by then’. I think that answer is the most honest I could give to myself and anyone who will read It.

I know I can’t predict the future or that these plans and aspirations in five years time would probably not come true the way I see it in my head or might not even happen at all, but I think it’s nice to have something to look back on and compare how my life as a 25/26 years old compares to when I was 20/21 years old and just a university graduate about to explore the undiscovered adventures that life will throw at her.

I can’t wait to see what the future me will or will not be doing and in a way that’s an exciting journey to figure out.

Ruling Out A Postgraduate Course

Time is nearly up and with only an undergraduate dissertation and three essays to write and submit, I am about to go into the world, relieved and anxious. These past few weeks I have been receiving emails about applying to postgraduate courses and thinking about a higher level of education. I have never thought of doing a Postgraduate course and it made me think why I ruled out considering doing a Postgraduate Degree. Here are my top five reasons why I ruled out a considering doing a Postgraduate Course after I finish with University:

More Theory equals More Stress and Confusion
These past three years has been filled with a lot of theories and complex readings that I would have rather avoided and was just a waste of my printing ink. The course I took was pretty much theory-based (although there were a few practicals which I enjoyed very much) but we had to read everything and to be honest 60% of those readings rarely made sense and 80% was never used for essays . After I finish with a module, all those papers goes straight in the bin ready to be recycled into other things that would prove to be much more useful. Also, those theories caused a lot of headaches and stress, which will carry on into Postgraduate and my mind cannot take anymore of reading 100 plus pages a week. 

What subject would you like to do?
No idea. When I went into University, I went in thinking that Media Studies is an amazing subject and I enjoyed it in A-Levels so why not do it as a degree. I never really thought of doing a course related to media afterwards and even until now it has never crossed my mind. I liked doing my course but before coming into university that decision took forever to make so deciding what subject I want to do next for a postgraduate is just adding more stress than I need. I really do not know what I want to do if I went into postgraduate course and if I do not know it now, I probably never will.

Loans and Debt
I am already in £27,000 debt just from going to three years of university so I do not think I want to be in anymore debt. I do not want to  or considering taking out some more loans either as I do not have the money to pay it back. I feel that going to do some more years of postgraduate will have me swimming in debts and loans. This is what frightens me the most as the prospect of paying twenty-seven grand seems already too much but paying another twenty-seven grand on top of that is too much. Do I want to be in debt and owing people some money?  No thank you.

What is Postgraduate?
In all my time in University, no one has ever mentioned the word postgraduate until a few weeks ago. I do not know why people never mentioned it or suggested it as an alternative option to finding work but the point is they never did. So, I have never researched it or was curious about it because I do not know what it is. I wish there was more information about it and a lot of people would have came in to discuss a path into a postgraduate degree but either way I probably would not take much notice anyways. I now know about it and I know a few people are interested in doing a postgraduate degree but I am not one of them.

Next Goal: A Job
As soon as I was approaching the end of my second year, I knew that I needed to get a job, preferably straight after university finishes. I think it was ultimately my main goal of my plans after university so the postgraduate path was never in my mind. I seem to have planned my life roughly in my head and a job focused university.  Also, I really do not think I want to study anymore in terms of a higher degree but I do.

After all, once  I get a job that  is really when you know life is going right. That is why I will be applying for work and not doing a postgraduate course. Wish me luck!