One Month of Job Hunting

I can’t believe it has already been over a month since I submitted my dissertation, the month of May has ended and it is now June. That means I have been basically hunting for jobs for a month now. May has definitely been hectic and filled with stress and my right forefinger glued to the scroll down button as I skimmed passed hundreds and thousands of jobs on every single job websites you can think of. I feel like day after day my head would explode and sleep always won at the end as soon as my head hit the pillow. I wish I could say this journey had been fun so far but that would be lying.

At the start of the month, I was ready to jump into looking for work cause why waste time when there are plenty of opportunities available out there, right? I was so ready to go look for some work that will help me get ahead of everyone and gain some experience in an area where I hope to keep climbing. I wanted a job related to my degree, Media Studies, where I can feel that going to university and having £27,000 debt on my shoulders would pay off (and be paid off quickly). I was ready to go conquer the Media world like those beautiful people you see in the movies where they are so hyped about the next step of looking for work and they just get it like destiny made it that way. Unfortunately, sometimes reality isn’t like what you see in the movies and the world doesn’t want to co-operate with how you see your life playing out. There wasn’t much media related job in Cambridge and those that are available require previous experience (which I don’t have)and right now going off to London or some other place would be pointless since I don’t graduate until October. So what do you do when no jobs are available that suits your preferences? You go to the next related thing that will help you gain experience, Apprenticeships.

I applied for an apprenticeship before and I didn’t get that. So, I was not too sure if applying for more is a good idea. But it was worth a shot and it WILL help me gain training and make connections with more people in the industry so its a start. I applied for a lot of media-related apprentices in areas such as digital marketing and social media. I just wanted to find something to do which will help me gain money and just some experience in a workplace. I applied for five apprenticeships in total (so far) and received one phone call. I was so nervous getting a phone call as I hate talking to people on the phone but I did gather up the courage to phone them back (I missed it and it went to voicemail cause hungry lol) and they just asked me to send them an email about the modules I did at university. The email was sent off and I never received anything back from them which made me feel kinda sad. However, I knew there are other areas I can try going into even if this did end with a dead end.

One of those areas was doing an internship around Cambridge which was fairly difficult as there isn’t much of those here either but I knew no one will take me if it having experience that they are looking for. By this point in the job searching journey, I was feeling a little down that there wasn’t much happening and it is not happening as quick as I had anticipated. I was also at the point of doubt and frustration as the only option ultimately will be an internship in London as there are dozens there. But even then and right now, I feel with how the world is going I need to hold off going further away but if it comes to graduation and I am still jobless, going to do an internship is still on the cards. In the meantime, my mum has suggested I go down a different path and see how I do in another career which is childcare as my work experience was a Playgroup Assistant. Many people have told me that I do so good with children so I thought I’d try it and maybe this is the path I was destined to discover. So, I have put aside all the media stuff for now and I applied for non-qualified nursery jobs and other childcare jobs such as playworker around my local area and Cambridge. I did apply for other various jobs such as a data entry clerk and an office assistant but I was rejected. But despite the rejection, at the end of May, I have been in communication with an agency which supplies teaching assistant and nursery assistant roles in various schools around Cambridge and my application and details are currently under clearance. I also had an interview for a playworker role in a primary school in Cambridge and another playworker role application form was filled out for another school in my local area. Everything is in the balance right now and I will update you guys with more information if I am successful or not. (either way, I am getting practice in doing interviews, making and answering phone calls and completing application forms so it is still benefitting me).

A month of job hunting has just finished and with the summer just around the corner, more days of job hunting is still to come. It is a long journey but hopefully a worthwhile one and it is all part of the adventures I will need to discover as part of life. Wish me luck guys and let’s see where this adventure will take me.

FIRED!|

You’re FIRED! You are not welcome anymore
Oh, stop being a baby and let the tears pour
You may think I care but I don’t at all
I knew this would happen, I knew you’d fall
Yes, it started with you being a star
These chaos and stupidity has gone too far
Before you were loved but look at you now
Pack your bags, Tidy your office, you are such a cow

Look. Here comes the boss. You are gonna get thrown out
Just stay silent, we all know what it’s all about
Wait a minute… why is he walking towards me?
The boss said: You’re FIRED! You total wannabee!
What?! This is not fair. Why am I getting fired?!
Because you are a bitch and we are getting tired
Tired of your ridiculous advice and constant bragging
Why did you always have to keep on f***ing nagging?!
You are not the Queen, we don’t need you to stay
You are so annoying and loud, now go away!
No! Don’t even beg. The boss made his decision and there is no doubt
Go on then… pack your bags, tidy your office and make sure you stay out!

The Three Years Ends

After three years of stress and a lot of headaches, my time at university is done. I do not have to do any more lectures. No more participating or not participating in seminars. No more early, afternoon or really dark rides on the bus. No more pressing the button for the automatic doors so I can go in or out of uni. No more tapping in at every lesson. No more getting bombarded by people wanting me to do surveys or giving out leaflets that I will throw in the bin anyway. No more university.

I finished my last day yesterday with a quick review session for one of my modules. It only lasted 30 minutes which seemed pointless but at least I could stretch my legs a bit and walk around university for the last time. I’m going, to be honest there really isn’t much to miss at university. I know that for some people university is the time to go down pubs or go clubbing to socialize. University is the place where you will find out who you are and what you want in life. By going to university, you will become more independent because you are away from your parents. University will be that place you will miss when it all ends. But all those things were never true for me. I prefer to stay at home watching cartoons and binge-watch my shows than going drinking out and living the club life. I lived with my parents for the three years whilst I was university and as far as I can tell it made me independent in ways I didn’t think it could. I did house chores (except cooking but I promise I’ll learn after my essays, Mum and Dad) and my parents also let me budget my student finances and I was even able to help a bit with a few things needed for the house. Staying at home also made me value family more which I did not value as much when I was still a teenager. I know a lot of people were telling me that I shouldn’t stay at home because it will ruin my time at university but if I did,  I believe I would have regretted it, especially with my little sister. Looking after her has been the best time to come out of the university experience and the reason I loved coming back home to my family. My family has been a big support system for me and even though we have fought and shouted at each other several times these three years, we have also made more funny and loving memories that I will cherish forever.

My experience at university was pretty good but I don’t think I will miss it as much as others make it out to be. I will probably miss the friends I’ve made and the some of the teachers which have impacted my life in terms of improving me as a person or helping me gain skills which I can use more in life but the experience…not so much. It was filled with stress, I cried a lot, threw a few things, dug my nails into stuff, swore and raised my middle finger at those elements that tried to rain on my semi-constructed parade. I didn’t really join any societies or made an impact there but I was able to do the one thing which I came to do when I told myself that university is the way. I was able to stick it through to the end and make my family and friends proud that soon I will be done with all the essays (just one more to do) and the three years of university will officially come to an end.

As for university helping me find who I am and what I want to do in life… I’ll keep you posted on that one when I know for sure. Now it’s time to finish the last ever university essay and once that’s all submitted I need to go searching for the next adventure to explore. So for now, thank you university friends and (some) teachers, it’s been fun knowing you and make sure you keep in touch.

See you at Graduation. 🎓

Concluding My Dissertation

Yesterday I finished the redraft of my dissertation and rewritten the conclusion. I’m going to be honest, I was kind of pushing it away from me and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. When I did finally got the courage to open the word document and read it, I was appalled at how terrible it was. I have written a lot of essays since I was 12 and by now I knew when something was slightly off. I mean, I knew I did rush it a bit so my dissertation supervisor can mark it and so it wasn’t my best work but I didn’t think it would be so awful. I then spent two days procrastinating and looking at it like it was a piece of turd that’s been left to dry where I hoped the rain would just wash it away but of course in the end I needed to scrape it off the concrete anyways. I spent yesterday re-doing the whole conclusion until I was satisfied that it was the best I can do. 

Once I have written the last words of my conclusion and combined it to the other sections of my dissertation, I felt so relieved. I finally finished everything and it felt so good to know that all I have to is just re-read it, add the contents page and the abstract and fix some citation issues. But at the same time, a part of me felt attached and nostalgic. As much as I said to myself that I hated this dissertation, in truth I really loved writing about it. I was writing about something that interested me and about a show (OUAT) that I absolutely love.  I got the chance to explore various aspects of my chosen topic and as an added bonus, I got to read a lot of general and very explicit fan fictions (which I already did in my spare time anyways haha). But once it sunk in that I was writing the very last words, I felt like crying. I have been working on this since September last year (or June, if you count the research phase) and at the beginning I was shaking my head and telling myself there is no way on earth I could write 10,000 words by April, But here we are, nearly finished and feeling sad that’s its over. 

I don’t really know why I feel so sad about something that I couldn’t wait to get rid off even at the very start. But I guess, I have bonded with it, I gave it some words on the page and took it into several directions, redrafted it so many times and stared at it for a few hours, hoping it would write itself. Now, it is all written and with only a few more bits to add, it will be ready to travel through the World Wide Web on its own at the end of the month and I won’t get to see how it turns out until the end of May or the beginning of June. 

Concluding my dissertation feels like concluding the end of my university life and in a way just like how my dissertation must go off and be assessed, I will have to leave university and do some self-assessment of my own in terms of what I want to do next. Even though both cases can be very scary, it is also very exciting as I discover my next undiscovered adventures. 

Now I must go do my other essays and then finalize my dissertation towards the end of the month before I say good luck and goodbye to my dissertation. (hopefully it will come back safe and sound). 

Confusion

I just finish, but they want me to start
We prayed to God for the desires of our heart
If they can’t see it, I hope God will
Then maybe I can just keep still
Stop the commotion and sit
Even just for a little bit
Maybe I keep it inside
So I can have time to hide
Little secrets and problems the world is waiting to see
Or maybe I don’t want to humiliate and embarrass me
They said ‘ You are still a kid’
But somehow it feels like a bid
Who can grow up the most?
So they have something to boast?
Growing up makes them proud
To watch children make a bigger bound
There are still decisions that I need to make
To avoid disappointment and mistake
Why now that they shout?
When I haven’t figured things out?
Why now they compare?
When I haven’t even gotten there…

Thinking about the Future

I hate talking about the future or having to even think about it. I wish there was some teleportation device where I can just travel forward in time and see how life works out for me. I wish I could just see all the upsides and downfalls, all the happy moments and the sad moments, all the successes and struggles and just everything. I wish someone would come to me and give me the book of my life. A journal and encyclopaedia of what I am gonna be, what am I doing tomorrow, what am doing when I’m 30 years old, who will I marry, what my house will look like or even how many children or grandchildren I will have. Why can’t someone give me a crystal ball? I will look at it every morning and see all the things which will happen that day so I know what to avoid and what I should definitely be doing that day so everything will fit the way I want them to happen. Why does the future always seems so far away and so complicated, always hiding and a puzzle piece that you have to try and complete but no matter what sometimes the pieces doesn’t fit together or some days you just know that this puzzle has never ending pieces so you never know what it is or if you will ever have the chance to look at it in full.

If I had all these things, life would be so much easier. When I know a sad moment is about to come, then I can prepare myself and cry my eyes out even before it happens or do things differently so that sad moment never occurs. If I know that someone is about to propose to me then I can make sure to get a makeover and hire a photographer to capture that moment. If I knew that someone is going to die then I will be able to give that person a loving and deserving funeral. If life was just as easy as reading a book or traveling forward in time or even looking at a crystal ball then the future would be too, right?

But of course, in order for the future to appear I have to enjoy the present. I know that sometimes it’s hard to do this because life makes it so difficult to cope in living an ordinary life that could often be boring and mundane and lonely, everyday where you wish someone would just tell you what’s gonna happen. But no one really knows what will happen because that’s just life so we have to try and enjoy it even if it’s not what we want to do right at this moment.

The future might be tomorrow or in several years from now but I know that the future will only be as bright if I want it to be. Here’s to a bright and happy future!

Welcome to Essay and Exam Season

Hey folks! It is that time again where I will have to get up early and never sleep. That’s right we are now in essays and exams season! I still have three essays to write for May and a dissertation due on the end of April so I’m kinda panicking since the essays are still non-existent. But I have just finished going through the first draft of my dissertation (except the conclusion cause I got lazy but I will definitely get it done this week) but these essays are kinda long and I am very exhausted from other things as well. In addition to my essays, one of my sisters is also gonna do her exams this May and June, which she demanded I help her with her revisions (geez bossy) so the next couple of months will be very hectic and stressful. Hopefully I can do it and resume other things I need to prioritize next such as more job hunting. 

Last Essay Season!